


3 is the magic number

by hannybee



Series: the gays are here and boy are they chaotic [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Body Dysphoria, Body Image, Dysphoria, Gender Dysphoria, Lee Felix is Whipped, M/M, Seo Changbin is Whipped, Soft Seo Changbin, Trans Male Character, changbin is a producing major, established changlix, felix is a photography student, hyunjin has all my uwus, improper binding, someone help felix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2019-08-05 20:06:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 29,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16374191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannybee/pseuds/hannybee
Summary: Felix and Changbin are in love. Like, heart eyes, head over heels in love. But when they both fall for Hyunjin, the modeling student with a secret to keep, they're left with more than meets the eye.(aka “the fic that made hyunjin trans”)





	1. Chapter 1

Felix stumbled into their cramped dorm, discarding his bag by the door with a sigh. College was already harder than he had anticipated. So much for absentee teachers and wild parties, Felix felt like he was going to be crushed under his current workload. He didn’t know what he should’ve expected though, he had managed to get himself into the top arts school in Korea, he shouldn’t have expected smooth sailing. Still, the work was strenuous, even for a photography major like himself.

He shucked off his shoes as he padded into the living room/ dining room/ kitchen, burying his feet into the plush carpet as he centered himself on the moment, and attempting to leave to droning monotony of his professor behind. Felix didn’t understand how someone could be so boring; there was only so much you could explain about the history of camera apertures and yet his teacher had managed to stretch it into three separate hour-long lectures. The only good thing was that he hadn’t assigned any homework so if Felix buckled down and finished the rest of his work, he could cram in an editing session at the café down the street before it closed.

The sound of vicious pencil tapping drew Felix down the hall to the slightly ajar guest bedroom-turned-studio door, and as he looked in he couldn’t help but smile at the familiar sight. Changbin was still in his pajamas, staring at the paper as if looking at it long enough would cause the right words to appear. A pencil was tucked behind his ear, and another was abusing the already battered desk, crumpled papers littering the floor from unused drafts. Patches of soundproofing hung from the walls, various instruments strewn about the room.

Felix picked his way through the miscellaneous cords, eventually reaching Changbin’s side. He draped himself over the other, resting his chin on his shoulder with a sigh. He watched as the pencil scratched out a couple more words before returning to drumming the desk top. Felix picked up the fidgeting hand with his own, tugging the pencil from its grasp before lacing their fingers together. That earned him the first greeting he’d gotten all day, a whine of protest as Changbin spun in his chair to face him.  
              “Felix…”               
Felix twirled the pencil in his free hand, other still tightly holding Changbin’s.  
              “Yeah, bro?” Felix didn’t miss the way Changbin’s lips twitched at the pet name, Felix’s special kind of endearment.  
              “I need that pencil.”  
              “Not until you eat you don’t.”  
Changbin groaned, throwing his head back against his chair, overreacting.  
              “But I don’t want to!”  
              “That sucks, but I know you and I know you haven’t eaten anything since you woke up.”

Changbin didn’t respond and Felix knew he’d won. Felix pulled Changbin out of his chair, squeezing their intertwined fingers tight as the left the messy studio.  
              “Let’s go have some ramen.”  


After ramen, Felix actually did manage to finish his homework, though a little later than he’d intended thanks to a lost game of rock paper scissors leaving him on dish duty. Still, he left the dorm eventually with a kiss blown to Changbin that was answered with Changbin gasping and flopping back on the couch like he’d been shot. Felix rolled his eyes, slinging his bag over his shoulder, stepping out the front door.

He walked down the street, his laptop bag heavy against his thigh. Normally he wouldn’t even consider heading to the café this late, but he could tell that the tiredness threatening to shut his eyes was more than the cheap coffee maker at home was equipped to handle. The sun was beginning to dip below the horizon, casting a warm light on Felix’s face from in between the shadows of the looming sky scrapers.  The crunch of leaves under his shoes finally gave way to the worn welcome mat of the café, a familiar bell tinkling as he opened the door, the amiable aura of the café washing over him.

He stepped inside, shutting the door behind him softly as the smell of coffee beans and vanilla candles washed over him. The place was small and packed to the brim with mismatched plush furniture, throws and pillows, coffee tables ranging from sleek to antique, the room lit with the soft glow of lamps. The place wasn’t super obvious from the street, but with such a close proximity from the campus and the dorms, almost every seat was taken by an exhausted looking college student, multiple asleep in their notes.

Felix stepped up to the counter and ordered his usual. He could never remember the name of the drink, but it was hot, and it was dark, and it was the perfect remedy to the sleepy fall chill that had fallen over Seoul.

He took his drink back to his corner, cradling the tacky mug (it read: bad puns are how EYE roll) in his hands as he slid into his usual armchair, setting up his laptop. Felix took a sip, the bitter coffee hot enough to burn the inside of his mouth, just how he liked it.

Once everything was in order, he began to work finally, choosing various pictures from his gallery to edit, tweaking everything until it was perfect. Many of them were of people or of buildings Felix found particularly inspiring, as those were in no short supply in the heart of the city. He wished he had more nature shots to help balance out his portfolio, but he had to admit the small weeds that somehow wind up in every crack and alley, were sort of poetic in a way.

Weeds are persistent. They can find their way through the smallest cracks spidering through the concrete, bearing the brunt of foot traffic as they strive for a glimmer of sunlight. Felix took a liking to a photo of a dandelion he’d taken a while back and pulled it up in his editing software. The white puffs were a rare sight in the city, children often clutching them in their small hands to tear them from the earth, just to see the bits of fluff drift through the air as they blew with all their might. The one Felix had found was sheltered in the shadow of an alley way, farther than most parent would let their kids stray. The stark white color contrasted with the dingy brick of the alley and Felix felt compelled to take a picture.

He spent nearly an hour perfecting the image, feeling the need to do the persistent flower justice. It took a while, but Felix finally got the image to the point where the composition framed the dandelion perfectly, the colors contrasting enough to give life to the photograph.

By the time he was done, the other people in the café had trickled out already, leaving him alone with a sole barista who looked like she was about to fall asleep on the counter. His laptop read that it was just about closing time for the café and not wanting to be “that” guy, Felix started to pack up his things, sliding his laptop back into his bag.

Abruptly the café door swung open, the bell above the door jingling frantically. Felix’s breath caught in his throat and he froze where he half-stood, rising from his chair.

The stranger was the definition of lanky, the long limbs making quick work of the distance from the door to the counter. But that wasn’t what had caught Felix’s eyes first. What caught his attention was the face, the brows furrowed underneath a sweep of black hair that looked just perfect enough; not too much, where it looked forced, it just looked like he could have woken up like that. His eyes were round and warm, complimenting the feminine but unmistakably male face, and Felix felt like he could fall into them if he looked for too long. His lips were pulled into a nervous smile as he apologized to the disgruntled barista, the words dimly registering in Felix’s mind.

Lost in thought, Felix reached for his mug, but with his fried nerves, he missed his cup, fingers bumping the mug over the edge of the table where it shattered on the hard wood.

The stranger stopped mid-order, turning to look at the crash, the barista also shooting Felix a murderous glance.  
              “I am so sorry. I can clean it up.” It was obvious the barista was done, and she just extended a dust pan and a roll of paper towels to Felix silently. Felix swallowed, getting up to grab them, avoiding the soft gaze of the stranger, his cheeks hot. He hurried back to his table, picking up the shards as fast as he could without cutting his hands on the porcelain.

Felix nearly jumped when a hand gently wrested the paper towels from his, beginning to dab up the spilled coffee. His heart was in his throat as he turned and saw the new-comer kneeling by his side.  
              “You don’t need to help me.” The stranger laughed airily (something that Felix was afraid to admit made his heart skip a beat) as he continued soaking the coffee up.  
              “It’s nothing.”

The pair sat in silence as they cleaned, the rumble of cars passing by filling the space momentarily.

              “Hyunjin?” The barista spoke up, startling Felix for the second time that night. The stranger offered Felix a warm smile and a nod.   
              The tilt of his head held up a hint of a promise and Felix managed a small nod in return. He turned away to grab his coffee, before disappearing back outside. 

Felix let out a relieved breath, heart still beating against his rib cage. Holy fuck.


	2. felix said fuck school

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gay panic bro  
> its real

 

Somehow, Felix made it out of the café alive, heart still racing. He pulled out his phone, typing out a message as his feet carried him back towards his dorm.

 

_Bin bro ur not gonna believe this_

_what is it owo_

_stop_  
anyways  
Gay Panic™

_Gay Panic™?? fr??_

_would i ever lie to you_

_yes  
but ill get the popcorn ready_

_< 3 love u bro_

_love u 2 boo see u soon_

Felix smiled at his phone like an idiot for a few seconds, his embarrassment momentarily forgotten. Changbin had never failed to cheer him up. With an added pep in his step, Felix pocketed his phone and continued his way home.

As soon as Felix opened the door to their dorm, he could smell the fresh popcorn wafting through the apartment. Kicking his shoes off and chucking his bag in the direction of the couch, Felix slid down the hall to the bedroom. A sputtered laugh left him as he opened the door. Changbin was posed on his side, one hand stuck in the popcorn bowl, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. The smug grin on his face morphed into disgust as Felix tossed one of his socks at him, his body following soon after. The elder kicked at Felix indignantly, even as laughter left him in breathy bursts.   
              “You almost spilled the popcorn!”  
              “You’d still love me.”  
              “I dunno…”   
Gasping, Felix snatched one of the pillows, holding it over his head threateningly.   
              “You take that back.”  
Changbin hesitated and Felix raised the pillow higher.  
              “Fine. I’d still love you,” he relented.  
              “Forever and always?” Felix questioned, flopping back down on the bed with a sigh.  
              “Forever and always.”   
Felix took Changbin’s hand, running his fingers over the other’s more callous ones. There was a lull in the conversation, the two simply enjoying being in each other’s presence.

And it was immediately ruined by Changbin.  
              “So… Gay panic?” Felix groaned, tossing his head back into a pillow.   
              “Bro.”  
              “Bro.”  
              “He was so cute.”  
              “ _No._ ”  
              “ _Yes._ ”

              “Wow.”

              “I know! You have no idea man. It was insane.”

Felix rambled on and on about the night he’d had, Changbin knowing just when to interject a remark. It was a comfortable situation. Neither of them was put off by the other finding someone else attractive. They’d been in an open relationship since day one, and they’d each had their fair share of crushes. But something in the way Felix spoke about the guy he’d met at the coffee shop, whether it was his excited hand gestures, or the way his eyes shone when he looked at Changbin, felt different. But he didn’t let himself dwell on it. Instead, he focused on the way his boyfriend’s reddish orange hair felt, taking care to listen to every detail of how Felix embarrassed himself as he ran his fingers through his hair.

Eventually, Felix finished with a resounding sigh, rolling over to face Changbin.   
              “Maybe you could come with me to the café tomorrow? See him in person?”   
Changbin smiled but shook his head. “I got a session booked at the studios tomorrow, remember?” Felix stuck out his tongue, pulling himself in Changbin’s chest.   
              “Fuck school,” he yawned, sleepily snuggling close to Changbin.  
              “Get some rest, Fee. You’ve had a long day,” he said as he patted Felix’s head.  
              “Bleh,” he weakly protested, eyes already fluttering shut.  
              “Sleeeeep.”  
              “…Fine.”  
              “Thank you.”  
Changbin reached over and flicked off the bedside lamp, settling in to sleep with his boyfriend.

 

For the first time in forever, Changbin was up before Felix, woken up by his alarm buzzing faintly in his pocket. He silenced it quickly as to not wake his boyfriend, taking a couple seconds to stop and enjoy Felix’s face. Changbin had told Felix he could’ve gotten in solely on the modeling course, with his smile that could melt hearts and the dusting of freckles like stars across the night sky. He could go on and on. But Felix had shushed him by throwing a shoe at his head and that was the end of the conversation. In quiet moments like this, he realized just why he had said that in the first place. But the photography course suited Felix and he’d worked hard to get in, Changbin wasn’t about to undermine that.

A quick glance at his phone told Changbin he didn’t have time to sit around and stare at his boyfriend (no matter how much he wanted to), so with the expertise of someone with plenty of practice at it, Changbin extracted himself from Felix’s grasp, replacing the space in his arms with a pillow. Felix hummed to himself in his sleep and he knew the mission was a success. 

Changbin tossed on some clean clothes, picking up his laptop on his way out, leaving the apartment with a piece of toast with a piece of toast in between his teeth. He knew Felix would kill him if he didn’t eat again. He left the dormitory, walking down the winding sidewalk that led across campus to the music building.

The brisk morning was welcome after the summer’s sweltering heat, and Changbin was happy to see a scattering of leaves over the path. Not many people were out and about on campus, Changbin had reserved the earliest slot he could at the studios. He knew he’d be in there all day, but it couldn’t hurt to try and get his stuff done earlier. Unlike courses offered at other schools, the music course offered at this campus was barely structured, classes only taking place every month or so when teachers decided to assign a new project. Of course, teachers were available if you needed help, but the idea was to be as independent as possible.

This month’s project was to produce and perform a hip-hop song, whether that meant simply producing the track and asking one of the other students looking to become an artist to do the vocals or doing simply doing all of it yourself. Changbin wasn’t sure what he was going to do yet. His deadline was coming up and he’d yet to find any inspiration and the stress was beginning to show in the lines of his face. But that’s what today was for. A chance for him to get out of the house and hopefully find the drive to get the song in on time.

He stepped into the music building, nodding to the groggy looking receptionist as he flashed his student ID at him, taking the elevator up to the studios.

It was a long corridor, lined with individual studios for student use, fancy looking sconces lining the walls. Normally the building would be thrumming with the sound of bases blaring, even through the sound proofed rooms. But at this early in the morning, it wouldn’t be a surprise to assume that Changbin was the only one in the building besides the receptionist. He took long strides down the hallway, looking for the one he always reserved, the one at the very end of the corridor. He practically owned it.

But, strangely enough, when he got to the end of the hall, he found his usual studio’s door ajar, light spilling into the hallway. Changbin, curious as to who was in _his_ reserved studio, pushed the door open gently. Whoever it was, was wearing a beanie, back facing Changbin as they tapped away at the keyboard. They were humming under their breath and Changbin realized they had pulled a set of headphones over their beanie, so he couldn’t hear what they were making. Sighing, he rapped on the door frame, loud enough to be heard over their music. He hated to be that guy, but he really needed this stu-

Holy shit.

The person- the dude- had spun around at the sound, slamming his laptop shut quickly.

“Uhh…” It took a good few seconds for Changbin’s brain to catch up to his mouth. The guy was seriously attractive. His hair was swept up into the beanie, tufts of black sticking out around his neck. Strong eyebrows made Changbin’s heart stop for a second and whoever this dude was, had the _audacity_ to wear a lip ring and dig Changbin’s grave for him.

              “I- I uh I just- “He was still staring at him like a deer in headlights. Changbin swallowed.   
              “I had reserved this studio earlier but if you need it you can-“   
              “I am so, so sorry, I’ll go, I didn’t realize someone had this reserved.”  
              “No, it’s fine, you can- “

Before Changbin could even finish his sentence, the guy had already packed up his things, brushing past Changbin on the way out, leaving him stunned in his wake.

He stood there frozen in the doorway for the longest time, processing what he’d seen and how _awkward_ he’d been, ugh. Eventually stepping into the studio and shutting the door behind him, Changbin pulled out his phone.

              _Fee help me_  
i saw a man so beautiful i started crying????  
i think its contagious   
the Gay Panic™ is a plague

After a couple moments of thought, Changbin switched chats.

_Chan bro come over to my studio i got the tea_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter done! as a reminder, all my posts are posted without being beta read so please excuse grammar, tense, spelling mistakes, etc, but do not hesitate to tell me about them!! id be glad to fix it! if you want to be my beta reader hmu uwu
> 
> comments are what sustain me and know i appreciate everyone that commented on the last chapter!!


	3. achey breaky heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> too many gays

 

Hyunjin was fucked, man. Two run-ins with cute dudes within 24 hours. He had no business being hopeful, but he couldn’t force himself to squash the last bit of optimism. Adjusting his messenger bag, Hyunjin stepped outside. A morning fog had settled over the sidewalk, the smell of wet lingering in the air. As he took a step forward, a bolt of pain shot up his back, his hand barely managing to catch the bark of a tree for balance. The pain dulled but remained, settling in the base of his ribcage. His lungs fluttered helplessly as he struggled to catch his breath. He glanced at his watch, then turned toward the dormitories.

It wasn’t long until he was at a familiar door, though the pain in his chest kept him from being there as fast as he would’ve liked. He raised his hand, and after a moment’s hesitation, he knocked on the door, idly playing with the fake lip ring still dangling from his mouth.

Though the door didn’t open right away, he knew better than to knock again, instead waiting patiently. Eventually the door swung open, revealing a disgruntled looking Seungmin, his hair still mussed from sleep. Some part of Hyunjin distantly remembered that it was way before any normal college student was awake.

Seungmin folded his arms over his chest. “Why are you here?”

Hyunjin pulled his best apologetic smile. “Is loneliness a good enough reason?”

Seungmin rolled his eyes but didn’t protest, instead turning and heading into the dorm, knowing Hyunjin would follow. Hyunjin closed the door behind them, following the other to the kitchen. He set his bag down on one of the kitchen barstools, already used to the strewn sheets of sheet music. The younger washed two bowls at the sink and Hyunjin moved to grab the cereal, settling into their usual routine. But as he reached for the precariously placed boxes, the achiness hit him again and he pulled his arm down in an attempt to mask the pain from his friend.

Seungmin noticed the sharp way Hyunjin pulled his arm down (he always did have eagle eyes for these things) and immediately stopped what he was doing to move to his side.

“Hyunjin…”

“What? Nothing’s wrong.”

Seungmin crossed his arms, leaving Hyunjin to wallow in his guilt for a few seconds of silence until he finally crumbled.

“Fine,” Hyunjin sighed. “I may not be 100 percent okay.”

“Are you still wearing- “

“Of course, I am!

Seungmin appeared conflicted for a second. His voice grew soft for a moment. “Just. Be safe okay.”

Hyunjin nodded solemnly, knowing the bruising ache in his ribs was solely his fault.

Trying again, Hyunjin reached up and grabbed the cereal, ignoring the way Seungmin’s worried gaze burned into the back of his skull.

He was fine.

Probably.

 

-

 

 

Felix woke up with the bed empty beside him. That was always disappointing, but he knew that Changbin was finally buckling down on his project. He forced himself up and out of bed, padding down the hall and into the kitchen. Mentally estimating his level of motivation, Felix concluded it was cereal kind of day. Not high effort, but also didn’t leave him feeling awful about himself. He poured himself a bowl, idly scrolling through his notifications.

The first he saw was from Jisung.

_me and minho goin out to lunch you in?_

Felix didn’t have any classes and couldn’t think of a good excuse so with minor reluctance, he sent a reply.

_as long as you two arent fighting the whole time_

_what that’s ridiculous we love each other_

_sometimes a lil too much_

_ur just jealous cause ur too much of a coward to kiss ur boyfriend like a Man_

_im not the one whos too much of a coward to ask someone on a date_

_even though all three of u r clearly into each other_

_shut ur got dam mouth_

_thats what i thought_

_is that a yes on lunch_

_yes ugly_

_love ya mwah_

_ew gay_

Felix showed up at the designated restaurant a few minutes early, knowing the couple had a habit of being unpredictable with their arrival times. The restaurant was some Korean fusion place, a common haunt of their friend group. He greeted the waitress with a familiar smile, and finding, to no surprise, that Jisung and Minho were no where to be seen. Felix sighed and settled in. It was probably going to be a long wait.

No surprise, the couple turned up 10 minutes later, already engrossed in some sort of argument, sliding into the booth across from Felix with little more than a half-hearted wave.

“Marinara is not a smoothie Jisung.”

“It is.”

“Is not.”

“Is.”

“Bite me.”

“Bet?”

“Guys.” Felix butted in, whacking Jisung in the hand with his menu, ignoring his yelp of protest. “Are you going to order something or are you just going to argue over Italian food.”

“Only when Minho admits that- “

“Oh my god.”

“What?”

“I have to admit something?”

“Yeah!”

“I’m not the one who-“

“Well, you-“

Felix rolled his eyes, there was no winning with them, he thought, sipping on his complimentary water.

 

Unless, of course, he pulled out the trump card.

“Well, you’re both the cowards who can’t admit they like a certain curly haired aussie.”

The couple immediately stopped bickering, faces reflecting different ranges of embarrassment. Jisung’s face lit up a bright shade of red as he stood, sputtering excuses. To the untrained eye, Minho looked unbothered by the statement, but Felix could tell the other half of the pair was embarrassed in the way his arms folded over his chest, eyes flitting over everything except his face.

“Have you seen the guy? How am I supposed to fess up to that?” Jisung sat back down as his less-than-quiet screeching drew glances, giving apologetic glances to the other patrons.

Minho’s brows furrowed. “You fessed up to me.”

Jisung waved the statement off. “Yeah, cause you’re you.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means- “

“Oh yeah? Well you- “

Felix just sighed and put his head in his hands. These two were going to give him a headache.

 

The arrival of their food brought a brief respite from the bickering though they soon started up again, Jisung not really bothering to chew before launching another insult back and Minho. Felix just finished his food and turned to the window that faced the bustling city, instead of attempting to stop the feud. He couldn’t even remember what had started it this time. Something about which one of their meals were better, which led to an intense match of angrily feeding the other their food.

The window framed the city pretty well actually and Felix found himself wishing he had his camera ready. If he did, he could’ve captured this shot and saved it in time. Maybe he could crop out the garbage truck bellowing smog as it barreled down the street. The sky could really use more-

“-Lix. Felix!”

Felix whipped around, finding the pair staring at him expectantly. “What?”

“We asked where Binnie is.’’

He opened his mouth to explain that he was still at school, working on a project, when his phone buzzed. Puzzled, he pulled out his phone, seeing four new messages from Changbin. When he saw what they were, he couldn’t help but laugh.

“What is it?” Jisung asked, already leaning over the table to peer at Felix’s phone. Felix ignored him, pulling his phone closer to his chest, Minho pulling Jisung back into his seat with a quick reminder of manners. Felix sighed, tucking his phone back into his pocket.

“Apparently Binnie saw this dude at school and is currently suffering through Gay Panic.”

Jisung made a solemn peace sign. “Press F to pay respects.”

Minho rolled his eyes, lips quirking up in a small smile. “And you guys are both good with that?”

Felix nodded, happiness bubbling within his chest. “It’s chill. Neither of us are particularly jealous people.”

“Tell the coward to make a move.” Jisung contributed, sipping on his pink lemonade.

“You’re one to talk.” Felix muttered through a discreet cough. His efforts were in vain and Jisung was already on his feet like he was planning on squaring up right there in the restaurant.

Felix raised his hands, feigning innocence. “I’m just saying. Both of you have had a crush on the same dude and you still won’t make a move.”

Jisung practically screeched, face flushing a splotchy red. But before things could escalate any further, Minho grabbed his boyfriend by the shoulders, pushing him back down.

“Well, this has been great Felix, but I think Jisung needs his nap.” Jisung swatted at Minho’s smug grin, though Felix didn’t fail notice the way his lips twitched as though he were struggling to not laugh.

“I do not!”

 

The two bickered back and forth to the door, bursts of laughter cutting the sincerity of the insults.

 

And Felix was left by himself, alone with half a plate of noodles and his thoughts.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i survive solely on comments. i wrote this reallly late and its not beta'd


	4. improper binding 2: the electric boogaloo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyunjin gets attacked.

 

Changbin was only alone for a couple minutes before Chan slid into the studio, peering over Changbin’s shoulder at the music he was working on. Quickly, Changbin shut his laptop, spinning around in his desk chair to kick Chan in the knee.

“Stop spying on my beats man!”

Chan laughed, raising his hands in mock innocence.

“We both know that I don’t have the time to steal all your tracks.”

That was true; Chan really didn’t have much free time on his hands, he was majoring in the music course, with a focus in producing, with several extra courses for both singing and rapping, along with a sprinkling of classes for dancing and even a couple of classes in the modeling course. It was a surprise he’d been able to make it to Changbin’s studio at all. But when there’s tea, the gays will come.

Chan slid a chair closer to the sound mixer, sitting in it backwards. He bounced in his seat excitedly.

“So.”

“So.”

“You have tea.”

“I have tea.”

“Spill,” Chan demanded, scooting forward.

Changbin, spun in his desk chair (more than once for dramatic effect) before planting his shoes down.

“So, I come into the building today, my studio reserved, ready to work _all_ day- “Chan shot him a look at that but Changbin proceeded.

“But when I get to my studio, the door is open and _there’s someone inside.”_ Chan gasped (a bit over dramatically if Changbin had any say, but he appreciated the flair it added to the story.)

“And so, I’m like, _‘What are you doing in here, this my studio.’_ And then they turn around and it’s most like, beautiful dude you’d ever see.”

The elder gave a hefty sigh, rolling his eyes so hard you’d think they would get struck. “Again, dude?” Changbin huffed, crossing his arms. “What do you mean _‘again’_?”

“You get a crush on every dude you see.”

“This one is different!”

“How do know?” Chan’s eyebrows raised, hands gripping the back of the chair as he leaned in for the answer.

Changbin’s mouth hung open as he fished for an answer. “I… I don’t know. It…” Changbin looked up at Chan, biting the inside of his cheek. “I just _know_! He’s got this vibe.”

Chan just blinked. “What kind of vibe?”

Changbin through his hands up in exasperation. “I don’t know! A vibe!”

Chan sighed, mentally preparing himself for the emotional rollercoaster his friends was set to embark on. “Damn… that’s rough man.”

Unfortunately, his friend had already learned what that sigh meant. He sneered, pre “At least I’m not in love with two whole dumbasses at once.”

As if shocked, Chan bolted from his chair, blush burning its way to the tips of his ears.

“I… I am not!” If only to make matters worse for the elder, his voice chose this time to crack awfully.

Changbin burst out laughing, practically doubling over. “I aM nOt!” He mocked, straining his voice to hit the ideal crack.

“Shut up!” Chan was upset the tables had turned on him so fast. His fingers balled into fists and some part of him considered throwing hands right there. Before he could swing, however, his phone buzzed in his pocket, and, upon pulling it out, he was greeted by a cheery reminder for his next class. Groaning, Chan stuffed his phone back in his pants.

“You’re lucky I have voice lessons right now or else I’d kick your ass.”

Changbin gave a faux sweet wave to his friend. “I love you!”

Chan only grunted in response as he headed for the door, the blush still prominent in his cheeks.

“Tell Woojin I said hi!”

Chan reached for the door knob and for a second, it seemed as though he might leave without a word.

“…Fine. Whatever.”

He pulled the studio door open, stepping outside. But not without adding on, in a low mumble- “...I love you too.”

Changbin grinned as the door clicked shut, rotating his chair to face the sound mixer. His friend was a teddy bear at heart. But he hadn’t been lying when he said that whoever that person was, had a _vibe_ about them. He still couldn’t quite place his finger on what it was.

He shook his head to clear it. School. Right. That was his priority right now. With a sigh and a dislodged feeling in his gut, Changbin stared forward and got to work.

 

-

 

A few minutes and a brief lecture on proper binding by Seungmin later, the pair had finally gotten their cereal, Hyunjin happily eating the first full meal he’d had all day. A faint memory rang of grabbing a protein bar as he headed out to the music building, but his stomach certainly couldn’t recall it.

He’d had to set aside a few sheets of choir notes to sit down, but many-a late night meals and vent sessions meant that he was already highly accustomed to the fact. There were a few minutes where the room was silent, the only sound being clinking spoons and the slurping of milk.

“Do you have any aspirin?”

Seungmin sighed, setting down his spoon as his eyes met Hyunjin’s.

“You could just… take it off. You know that.”

Hyunjin looked down at his bowl and the poor ring fruits drowning in the remaining milk.

“Not right now. Later. I promise.”

Seungmin was quiet for a moment as he looked at Hyunjin, eyes flitting about the other as if he could gauge the damage the other was doing to himself.

“…Yeah. In the medicine cabinet.”

Hyunjin nodded, rising from his chair with what he hoped was an unnoticeable wince. He padded down the hall, to the first door on his left. He knew the place well; he probably spent more time here than he did in his own dorm.

He flicked the light switch, pleased to see the light was still flickering, no matter how many new bulbs they had replaced the older, dimmer bulb with. He pulled open the medicine cabinet door, deft fingers wrapping around the squat bottle. He scanned over the instructions, then took two as directed, swallowing them dry.

His eyes opened, catching a glimpse of himself in the bathroom mirror. He looked… bad. Like, out of the ordinary bad. Outside of his tired eyes, and the distant look that constantly plagued him.

God it was bad.

His cheeks were too full, and his eye lashes were too long. The beanie he’d stolen from Seungmin did a poor job at hiding the absolute mess that was his hair, ugly black tufts still stuck out around his neck like persistent weeds. Instinctively, he pulled on the fake lip piercing with his teeth, almost laughing at how poor of an attempt it was to make him look masculine.

But before he could he could get too scathing in his self-loathing commentary, there was a soft rap on the door.

“I know you’ve been staring at your reflection for the past five minutes, Hyunjin. But unlike you, I actually made plans for the two of us and they kinda require your participation.”

Hyunjin took a second to collect himself before responding. “I’ll be right out, Seungmin”

“Mk,” came the suspicious reply. “I think I’ll wait until you come out.”

Hyunjin sighed and shook his head with a small smile. He’d be ever grateful for Seungmin being in his life. He took a moment to adjust himself, pulling his beanie down and shifting with the lip ring. Eventually he conceded that he looked as good as he was going to get and pulled open the bathroom door. Seungmin was waiting there, because of course he was, a small, patient smile on his face, despite his generally impatient disposition. Seungmin took his hand in his, squeezing it gently.

“You don’t have any classes until later, right?”

Hyunjin thought, then nodded. “I have a modeling class tonight, but I’m free the rest of the day.” Seungmin’s eyes narrowed but he didn’t pursue the topic further.

“Well,” he said, leading Hyunjin to the living room and to the cramped couch. “Since you can’t seem to take care of yourself, we’re chilling out and watching movies so your ribs don’t break.” Hyunjin stuck his tongue out but he knows that the worry is genuine. Even now he could feel his sides weakly protesting the constant pressure on him. But with a few moments of refined focus, Hyunjin could pretend that he didn’t really hurt.

The pair found themselves on the cramped couch, Hyunjin’s head in Seungmin’s lap, his lanky legs dangling over the side. Some sappy Korean romance was playing on the TV and Hyunjin found himself absolutely enamored. It was heartwarmingly romantic, sappily stupid, and let him forget how shit his life was at the moment. Seungmin, meanwhile, was scrolling through his phone, his free hand idly running through Hyunjin’s hair. There was a comfortable energy between them. There was nothing romantic there (high school had made sure of that) just a relaxing energy between the two. And for the first time in the last week, Hyunjin felt completely at peace, no stress and not a nagging sense of dysphoria.

But of course, we can’t have good things in this house. A whiny, nagging voice shattered the silence, making Hyunjin shoot up from his reclined position, head whipping towards the noise.

“Seungmiiiiin, why are there always people in your dorm?” Hyunjin sighed, rolling his eyes.

“Jeonginnie, you don’t live here either.” Seungmin set down his phone, twisting around to face the newcomer.

“Ehhh,” came the lazy reply. “I might as well.” Jeongin was meandering around the kitchen in his pajamas, assembling what appeared to be a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for breakfast. The younger often had a habit of being found asleep in Seungmin’s dorm.

“Hyunjin has every right to be here and you know that.”

Jeongin stuck his tongue out. “Mhmm. He’s too tall.”

Hyunjin gasped. “I am _not_. You’re just too short, Innie.” Jeongin’s brow furrowed in disgust.

“I told you not to call me that, nerd.”

“You’re the one who’s still wearing braces nerd,” Seungmin chimed in, smiling cheekily.

Jeongin finished assembling his sandwich, bringing it and his metal filled smile into the living room.

“You’re the one watching Korean dramas unironically,” He tossed back, flopping down on Hyunjin’s legs and earning him hefty ‘oof’. Seungmin clicked his tongue, waving a finger at the youngest.

“That’s all Hyunjin.” Hyunjin held a hand to his chest, face aghast.

“I can’t believe you’d throw me under the bus like that!”

“I’m sorry Hyunjin, but it’s the truth.”

Hyunjin flopped back down across Seungmin’s lap, shielding his eyes with the crook of his arm.

“You’ve wounded me… I am deceased.”

The room went silent as the other two in the room shot glances at each other.

“So…” Jeongin said, eyes flitting about the room. “Do you want to change the channel?”

Hyunjin immediately shot back up, gripping the younger by his shirt. “Don’t even think about it, nerd.”

Jeongin went silent for a moment before dissolving into laughter. It didn’t take long before Hyunjin was hiccupping along with hearty giggles, Seungmin joining in soon after. Hyunjin felt happy, for once.

 

The repeatedly stabbing pain in his sides was worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!! thank u guys so much for your support!!! its really encouraging!!!


	5. brace face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> long awaited backstory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took too long and im sorry!! but!!! pls read the notes at the end!!!

Felix left the small Korean restaurant with a friendly wave to the hostess, tugging his jacket around him, the sun was beginning to settle behind the building riddled skyline. The sky was a hot, fiery red, and Felix found himself itching to take some photos, but now he couldn’t because he’d regrettably left his camera at home. Felix checked his phone and found that he still had half an hour until his photography class. That gave him enough time to get back to campus, swing to his dorm to get his camera and make it to class. Tucking his phone into his pocket, he began to walk.

Felix _might_ have overestimated his walking speed. It took a near sprint with his camera thumping uncomfortably against his chest, messenger bag pulling his already achy shoulders down, for him to make it to the classroom on time. He slid into his seat just as the professor began to speak, not missing the glance the teacher had given him as he burst in panting. Felix took a moment to catch his breath, retrieving his laptop from his bag.

A sharp jab in his side made Felix turn and look at his seat mate, a metal-filled, cheeky grin greeting him.

“Shut up, Jeongin, I know I’m late.”

The younger held a hand over his chest as if the remark personally wounded him. “I haven’t even said anything and you’re already attacking me? What’s got you worked up?”

Normally, Felix wouldn’t have hesitated to respond but there were things that he’d wanted to air out since forever. So of course, Jeongin noticed right away.

“Spiiiiiiilll,” He whined, pleading with his eyes from behind his wire framed glasses.

Felix rolled his eyes before taking a deep breath and beginning to spill, quietly, of course, because they were students, and this was a professional atmosphere.

He spilled as much as he physically could; from the polaroids he’d taken that hadn’t developed right, to the way Changbin smiled “like, have you seen it?’ (Jeongin gagged at that, as is customary), to the stranger with the heartwarming eyes and the handsomest face Felix had ever seen (Jeongin threatened to tell Changbin but Felix retaliated knowing that it was extremely difficult for something to dent that man’s pride).

It was only until he heard a pointe cough and looked up to see the teacher staring at him, eyes boring holes in his skull.

“Mr. Lee?”

Felix winced. “Yes, Mr. Im?”

“Please keep your focus on the lecture, alright?”

Felix nodded and faced forward, ignoring the younger’s attempts to drag him back into a conversation.

They were about halfway through the lecture and Felix had zoned out, staring at the clock, registering Jeongin playing a mobile game next to him when the teacher actually caught his attention.

“Your forms for the exchange between the photography course and modeling course have been reviewed by teachers from each section. You have each been assigned a partner on this project, someone who should be the main focal point of your piece. A portfolio of their works should be sent to you by the end of the day today. But remember, it is _your_ job to truly capture them.”

Felix was pumped for this project. As soon as the professor was done, he bolted from the room with a hasty goodbye to Jeongin. He booked it back to the dorms, ignoring the strange look his power walking drew. He dumped his bag on the couch, pulling out his laptop from the depths and flipping it open. It was difficult to type while his leg was jiggling excitedly but Felix had plenty of practice with it. A quick google search told him all he needed to know.

The Kkul Garden’s annual firework show was just around the corner. It was one of the largest in the city, fireworks lighting up the Han River in a glittering display. But just as magnificent as it was, it was some of the hardest to photograph in. The lighting was prone to rapid changes in color and angle, not to mention the loud explosions could make for unnatural poses. Felix chewed on his lip, if he could pull this off-

“Whatcha doing?”

Felix nearly screamed as he felt arms drape themselves over his shoulder. Or maybe he did scream. But no one needs to know that. He turned to glare at his boyfriend with the most menacing glare he could muster.

“You scared me!” All he got was a cheeky smile in return.

“That _was_ the point.”

Felix huffed, folding his arms over his chest.

“You’re a jerk.”

Changbin just grinned wider, pulling Felix closer to him and resting his chin on his shoulder. Felix could stay mad for long. I mean, have you seen Changbin? Felix wrapped his arm around Changbin with a sigh.

“Did you finish your song?” Felix’s tone was curious, but all the question earned him was a heavy groan.

“Nooooo. I got distracted by a dude this morning and I was off my game all day.” Even though the tone was whiny, Felix knew that tone and knew what it meant. It meant that Changbin was close, if not already, beating himself up over his short comings. Felix pulled away, removing his arms from around Changbin to relocate his hands to Changbin’s face. He squished his cheeks, just to hear the way Changbin laughed.

“You’re gonna get it done. And it’ll be great. I believe in you.”

“Thank shu. Can sshu let go of my fashe.”

Felix complied, but not before pressing a kiss to Changbin’s nose. Changbin sighed contentedly, some of his stress easing from his shoulders. There was a moment of peaceful silence where the two simply enjoyed each other’s company.

Of course, it didn’t last for long.

“First one to bed chooses the show.” And off they went, pushing and shoving each other down the hallway.

 

-

 

Hyunjin paced back and forth, in circles in his cramped dorm room. “What do I do?” He could practically hear Seungmin rubbing his temples over the phone.

“Send him your recent ones, duh.”

“But I only have like three or four. What if he asks to change partners?” He gasped, leaning into the phone set on his desk as if that would help him. “ _What if he hates my face?_ ”

Seungmin sighed again. “He can’t really help your face. Part of the challenge for them is to make their partner shine, right? So, your looks aren’t something to be hidden but rather accentuated.”

Hyunjin whined, flopping into his desk chair, he hated when Seungmin was right. “Ugh. Fine, I guess.” Faintly, over the phone, Hyunjin heard the sound of something sizziling. “Are you making stir-fry? _Without me_?” Seungmin chuckled and clicked his tongue as he added something else to the pan.

“Yep. Woojin’s actually going to be here tonight and Jeongin is always here and I don’t really have the ingredients for more than three people.”

Hyunjin just pouted, huffing as his arms folded over his chest. After a moment Seungmin relented.

“I mean, I’ll try to save you leftovers I guess.” Immediately Hyunjin’s face split into a grin. “Ew, stop, I can hear you smiling over the phone.”

“Shut up Seungmin, we both know that I’m the definition of a broke college student.” Seungmin hummed in acknowledgement but didn’t respond for a moment, the crackle of the food the only sound. “You know I can help if you need it- “

“I’m fine, Seungmin,” he assured.

Seungmin just hummed in response. “Well, I should go, Jeongin is getting impatient and I might burn the veggies if I don’t focus.”

“Mwah, I love youuuu.”

“Sure.” Seungmin hung up, leaving Hyunjin alone with the soft whirring of his laptop, his portfolio still pulled up. He bit his lip, hesitating a moment. He didn’t have many options, but they were well composed enough, and hopefully showed a good amount a variety in his skills. After a moment, he selected the few photos he was willing to use, forcing himself to ignore the rest. He typed out a quick message to send along with the file.

 _“Hey, this is Hyunjin, your partner for the photography/modeling collaboration project. My portfolio is limited at the moment but I’m excited to be working with you!”_ He debated with himself over the exclamation mark for far too long before finally leaving it alone and sending the email as-is. But as the draft disappeared as it was sent away, he was faced with the reality that was the rest of his inbox. Email after email from professors, all of them concerning his grades. The subject lines were tough to stomach.

_“Attend class or risk failure for the semester.”_

_“you’re about to fail.”_

_“Half-Off Beauty Products!!!!”_

_“You are going to lose your scholarship if things continue…”_

That last one was especially tough to swallow. He hadn’t attended any of classes in upwards of a month, rarely leaving his dorm, except to travel a floor down to Seungmin’s and it was beginning to reflect in his grades. But, in his defense, it had been a rocky month.

He got up from his desk chair, registering the pain in his back but not doing anything about it, padding out of his room and to the kitchen. Turns out cereal wasn’t the most filling meal. He pulled open the fridge, wincing at the bareness of it. He plucked his last lemonade from it before moving to the cabinet, examining the sparse contents for anything that could be used to make an actual meal. Sighing, he settled on ramen and set a pot on the stove to boil. As he waited, he looked around his apartment.

He had a couch and a table littered with month old homework. The only reason his kitchen was so clean was his inability to cook food. His hands gripped the cold counter tops, bracing himself on them. They used to be messy, piled with dirty silverware and bowls, batter dripping and splattering on them, egg shells crushed at the bottom of his sink. But all it had took were a few words before all of it was gone.

 

He can remember their faces like they were still right in front of him. His mom eyes didn’t meet his. They were trained on the ground, her wrinkles seeming to grow more prominent in front his eyes. Her hands were unsure, wringing themselves before settling at her sides until after a few moments they continued fidgeting. Hyunjin hadn’t realized she was crying until he heard the tears hit the linoleum in the thick silence that had swallowed the kitchen. But his dad…

His dad was another beast altogether. His face was a sickening amalgamation of disgust and fear, his dark eyes piercing Hyunjin’s chest. Where his mother’s hands fidgeted, his father’s remained firmly at his sides, balled into tight fists and for the first time Hyunjin found himself scanning the room for the closest exit. Statistics of all of the trans people who died in cold blood and in ignorance ran through his mind and out of instinct he took a step back, eyes wide, searching for any sign of the loving parents he’d had up to this point. His movement seemed to make his father realize how long the silence had lasted. He let out a heavy sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. With light footsteps and muffled sobs, his mother was gone, the door closing heavily behind her. Hyunjin braced himself against the counter but nothing ever came. With a scoff that dashed any hopes Hyunjin had, his dad turned on his heel and left the dorm room, shattering the carefully pieced together appearance Hyunjin had been barely managing to keep up. Somehow the silence was worse. Words Hyunjin knew. He could’ve countered or defended himself. But there was nothing. He was left with a confusing radio silence that left him defenseless from himself.

His legs had crumpled, and his head thumped against the cabinets. Sobs poured from him, the hiccupping wails hopefully not drawing the attention of any of his neighbors. His nails dug into his elbows, a searing cold filling his body. Despite the noise he was making, Hyunjin could hardly hear himself, his mind felt like it was stuffed with static.

Seungmin arrived soon after. Hyunjin wouldn’t be able to tell you if he had managed to call Seungmin on his own or if Seungmin just had that much intuition when it came to his friend. Either way, the other came prepared with blankets, draping Hyunjin’s favorite over his shoulders before sitting down on the tile next to him. It wasn’t long until he was sobbing into the other’s shoulder, his throat aching and voice threatening to give way. Seungmin was the only thing keeping him alive in those few days after the Event. He made him eat, made sure he at least attempted to maintain a somewhat proper hygiene. And he helped, he really did. But the damage had already been dealt. His parents had been the first people he’d come out to besides Seungmin and Jeongin, and the wounds they left would never truly heal. For the first week, just the thought of attending his classes filled him with a crashing, overwhelming anxiety that left him shaking. He’d eventually made it out of his dorm room, praying to whatever god was out there that he wouldn’t run into anyone from his classes. He survived, barely.

His parents never returned. Never answered a text or a call. And with that he was not only left with an awful sense of disconnect but little to no food. Sure, the school was funding his education, but with his failing grades in a majority of his classes, they were dangling an expulsion over his head. Not to mention but the school barely covered dorms and books, leaving a minuscule amount for food. He was truly subsisting on the college student diet.

Hyunjin was startled out of his thoughts by the now boiling water overflowing and splashing onto the back of his hand. Hissing, he held his hands to his mouth, cranking the heat down and placing the noodles in to simmer. He ran some cold water, unable to stop his mind from drifting once more. This project was not only crucial in maintaining his scholarship, but it would be the first thing he’d be turning in presenting as male. And that thought made him scared beyond belief. All of the work they turned in was put up for the class to see, to be critiqued and graded. He wouldn’t be outing himself to only his teacher, but his classmates, and the board, and future job opportunities and-

His phone dinged beside him.

And his mystery photographer. He hurried to grab a towel, drying his hands before picking up his phone and reading the new notification.

“ _That’s plenty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think we met once?? haha u probably don’t remember me_ ” Hyunjin’s brow furrowed but he was somewhat assuaged by the casual tone. Before he could respond, his phone buzzed again.

“ _i sort of knocked a cup off the table at the coffee shop downtown? u helped me clean up after my dumb ass. here’s my ugly **mug** lmao_ ” Semi hesitant to open the picture of someone he didn’t know, Hyunjin swallowed, bracing himself for a dick pick, and tapped on the picture.

It opened and Hyunjin swore he forgot how to breathe. Who knew the sun was a real person?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i'm really pumped by the positive feedback i've gotten on this fic and i want to start a new one!! the chan/jisung/minho vers. of this story will be happening eventually but i was wondering if you guys would be interested in a fantasy au? (werewolf, vampire, witches, all of the above?? 👀) BLEASE let me know what u think!!!!!!!!!!


	6. two gays walk into a cafe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyunjin is a wreck

_“Felix??? it was felix right”_

Although Hyunjin’s tone was casual, it barely concealed the surprise he felt. When he’d opened the picture, he certainly hadn’t expected to see a somewhat familiar face looking back at him. But now that he was out of the yellow dimness of the café, with time to stare and just appreciate, Hyunjin noticed more. He noticed the dusting of freckles that danced over honey colored cheeks. He noticed that despite the tired eyes that occurred on most college students, the corners of his mouth were drawn into a round smile that left Hyunjin _quaking_.

The response was quick to arrive. _“You remember!!!! :D”_

 

Butterflies thumped against his aching rib cage, his lip caught between his teeth in his sudden nervousness. It was a feeling Hyunjin hadn’t felt since high school, the swell and crashing wave of emotions that came with a playground crush.

Hyunjin shook his head. Feelings came later. For now, he needed to focus on getting this project done and turned in.

 

But Hyunjin was nothing if not a hopeless romantic.

With a flurry of movement, Hyunjin sent off another email before turning off the heat and stirring his noodles idly.

_“haha i mean how could i forget a face like that? anyways do u have any ideas for the project?”_

The response was even quicker this time. _“YEAH i got smthn im really pumped about!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”_ Before Hyunjin could respond, there was already another message. _“is it alright if i call u?”_ Hyunjin had to stop himself from immediately spilling his phone number to the almost-stranger. Instead, he set his phone down and with practiced precision, he poured his now cooled noodles into a bowl, stomach growling at the artificial chicken scent.

Only when Hyunjin was settled on the couch with the bowl on his lap and a comedy show running in the background, did he let himself respond.

 _“sure. my number is (xxx)-xxx-xxxx”_ He was bracing for the buzz of a phonecall when he received another message.

 _“are u sure? i don’t want to impose or anything”_ Hyunjin had to admit that was kinda sweet, and a small smile tugged at his lips

Although he’d never admit it.

_“s’all good”_

Only then did the phone ring, and after a few seconds of anxiety, Hyunjin swallowed his nerves and answered the call.

“Hello?”

“Oh! Hey! Is this Hyunjin?” It took Hyunjin a few minutes for his brain to catch up with his mouth. Felix’s voice was deep, deeper than he’d recalled at the café. He swallowed, deciding to attempt the speaking thing again.

“I- uhhhhh no? This is Patrick?” Hyunjin’s eyes widened and he instinctively covered his mouth. His face instinctively drew into a wince. That was such a stupid joke, he was going to hate it-

His embarrassment was cut short by the, dare he say it, cutest laugh he’d every heard. It was hiccupping and squeaky and it caused a grin to tug at the corners of his lips.

“Oh my god, bro you didn’t tell me you memed!”

The second thing Hyunjin noticed was the accent, it was thick and foreign, but it gave a certain air that he hadn’t heard before.

“I mean, I try!” He laughed nervously, instinctively brushing a strand of hair behind his ear.

“I’m sure you’re already a pro haha. So! The project!”

Hyunjin settled into the conversation, slowly acclimating himself to the other’s mannerisms. The grin seemed like a permanent fixture.

“The project.”

“I wanted to do something unique that would help you stand out, notthatyouneedhelpwiththat, and I knew that the Kkul fireworks were soon, so I was thinking we could go there?” The sentence was spoken quickly, without any pauses for air, and Hyunjin took a couple of seconds to process everything.

“…The Kkul fireworks? Aren’t those hard to photograph during?”

“Yeah but that’s exactly what I’m going for! I was looking at your portfolio and I realized that though most of your pictures are really well shot, most of them are lacking that really human, mysterious element.”

Hyunjin could hear his passion for photography over the phone. He honestly wished he had the same drive.

“I mean, if that’s what you think is good idea. You’re the photographer here.”

“But you’re the one who knows your face.”

“You’re right. It might be good to expand my portfolio.”

“Hell yeah! I’m glad you’re my partner!”

Hyunjin chose to ignore the way his heart stuttered at that.

“Hah, I mean, it’s nothing!”

“Most people wouldn’t agree to my idea, haha.” Felix laughed and Hyunjin swore he heard someone else laughing in the background.

“Why?”

“Hm?”

“Why wouldn’t people agree?”

Felix’s laugh was nervous this time, a bit slower in the response. “I mean, it’s kinda experimental. If it doesn’t go well, or if the teacher doesn’t like it, we could end up with a failing grade.”

Hyunjin’s eyes slid to the unfinished homework still on is table, thinking on the fact he was one more bad grade away from getting his scholarship taken from him.

He went silent, as did the other side of the line, as though Felix could tell he was thinking.

He stared at the noodles, watching as they entangled and detangled, drifting in the broth. He dipped his fork in, swirling the pasta around.

 

“Let’s do it.”

 

They agreed to meet Friday, two days before the fireworks, giving enough time for Hyunjin to scrounge together an outfit and any makeup needed, to discuss the plan thoroughly. And where else would they meet then at that fated café.

Felix was up and about earlier than he ever would have considered being awake, rifling through his drawers in the hopes of finding something that would impress the other.

He felt like a middle schooler.

Still, it was an hour before their arranged meeting time and Felix was on the ground, various variations of jeans and shirts and hoodies and jackets piled up around him. How do you impress a modeling student? He plucked a bird sweatshirt from the pile, the one with the goofy seagull printed on the front, not entirely sure where it originated. He groaned, flopping backwards, his back cushioned by a pair of jeans ripped so bad there were hardly any jean left.

His anguish apparently caught the attention of Changbin, who had been fast asleep, at least he was, before the sound of his boyfriend struggling with his wardrobe woke him up. He leaned over the edge of the mattress, reaching a still-sleep-addled limb towards the other. Without looking up, Felix took his hand and intertwined their fingers.

“Sorry for waking you up.”

“S’all good. You know- “A yawn cut him off midsentence. “You know I would’ve been asleep ‘til like 3 anyways.” Changbin offered a sleepy grin and Felix relaxed a little, squeezing his hand.

“I’m supposed to meet with my partner today- “

“The really cute one?”

“Yeah, that one, and I’m not sure what to wear. He’s a _model_ , Binnie.”

Changbin shrugged, he wasn’t the best person to ask this to. Another yawned escaped him.

Especially when he was tired.

“Just wear your sweatshirt and overalls or someth’n... I think you look pretty good in that.”

Felix reached over and hit his arm lightly. “You’d say that if I was in a hot dog costume.”

“You have a hot dog costume?”

“I mean, no but- “

“You lied to me.” Changbin rolled over, mumbling something that sounded like ‘I don’t need friends, they disappoint me.”

Felix reached up over the side of the bed, patting his head gently.

“I’ll get you one for Christmas if it’ll make you feel better.”

There was a pause before an affirmative grunt came from Changbin, his face still smushed into a pillow.

Felix sighed, a smile on his face as he turned back to his clothes one more. He picked up a pastel hoodie and his darker overalls (with a check to make sure they were clean of course) and shrugged. He didn’t have the time and besides, if Hyunjin couldn’t appreciate a hoodie with a cat printed on it, maybe they weren’t meant to be.

 

He’s fidgeting with the hem of his shirt when he arrives at the café, scanning the small establishment. The other said he was already here-

Felix saw him from across the room and swore he fell all over again. He was sitting in one of the cushioned booths, gazing out the window with a somewhat wistful expression. He was wearing a sweater, a thick scarf wound around his neck, the morning light making him look ethereal.

But Felix wasn’t staring.

He _wasn’t_.

He swallowed and steeled his nerves, praying he wouldn’t shatter another mug.

He could do this.

 

Hyunjin was deep in thought when Felix slid into the booth across from him.  He definitely was _thinking_ and _not_ staring at the cat across the street. So, when Felix cleared his throat to get his attention, Hyunjin jumped instinctively, whipping his head to look at the other.

“Cat!” Hyunjin blurted. Wait.  “I mean! There’s a cat outside!” He had tried to amend his mistake, but the other had already turned away when he mentioned the cat, twisting around in the booth to catch a glimpse of it. He gasped, hands reaching for something before they fell back in his lap. He clicked his tongue, smile now downturned. “Is there… something wrong?” Hyunjin hesitated to ask.

“Hm? Oh! I just left my camera at home. I would’ve tried to take a picture of the cat but,” he shrugged. “C'est la vie.”

Hyunjin blinked. “Are you French? I mean I thought you were foreign, but I didn’t think you were French.” He nudged over the mug of coffee he’d bought for the other, watching with minor disgust as the other drank it straight without putting anything in it.

Felix laughed heartily, the corners of his eyes curling up. “Nah, I’m from Australia.” He stuck out his bottom lip in a pout. “Is it still obvious I’m foreign?”

“No!” Hyunjin exclaimed. Felix just looked at him unbelievingly, and Hyunjin relented. “Okay maybe a little.”

Felix through his hands up in exasperation. “I knew it!” He huffed, folding his arms over his chest.

Hyunjin waved his hands, attempting to cover up his mistake. “It’s not a bad thing! I think it’s cool!”

Hesitantly the other’s arms unfolded, the pout loosening, pulling into a hesitant smile. “You do?”

Hyunjin nodded, though didn’t make eye contact, praying his blush wasn’t that bad. “Yeah its unique.”

Felix laughed, lifting his mug to his mouth once more.

Hyunjin cleared his throat, attempting to focus the conversation on the task at hand. “So, the project?”

The Australian grinned, swallowing his coffee. “So, I was thinking that instead of heading to the gardens to take the pictures, we go to one of the alleyways sort of close by?” Seeing Hyunjin’s expression, he hurried to clarify. “I know that sounds pretty sus, but I promise its just to get the best ass-the-tit.”   
Hyunjin snorted, hand flying up to cover his smile. “D-do you mean aesthetic?” The English word was foreign to him and felt clunky on his tongue, but the way Felix’s smile brightened made him forget any discomfort he’d had.

Once he’d collected himself, he asked the most important question. “Wardrobe?” Felix snapped and fished a heavy looking binder from his bag. He set it down with a clunk, flipping through the pages, tongue stuck out in concentration. That was cute. Hyunjin barely noticed when the other turned the binder towards him, pointing to an eclectic combination of outfits. It seemed to be a variety of street wear, oversized hoodies, sport pants and Hyunjin silently thanked whatever god was up there, the clothes were what Hyunjin was most comfortable in. He nodded after a few moments of looking. “I can do that.”

Felix took his binder back, stuffing it back into his bag. “Do you need money? I’m still not entirely sure how this works,” he said, with a small laugh.

Hyunjin waved off the concern. “It’s fine, the modeling department has clothes available exactly for projects like this.”

“Phew, I don’t really have money to spare anyways.”

“Saaame.”

The two shared a smile and a laugh and Hyunjin enjoyed the brief sense of camaraderie.

Felix stood, extending his hand toward the other. “I’ll see you on Sunday.”

Hyunjin rose to his feet, taking the other’s hand in his. “It’s a date.” It was only until he saw the surprise on the other’s face did, he realize what he had said. But before he could stammer out _another_ excuse, Felix shook his hand firmly, grin practically blinding.

“It’s a date.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys are seriously so supportive and u dont know how much it means to me!!! reading ur comments are the highlight of my day!!!!!!!!!


	7. helphelphelpgodimdrowningpleasehelp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pleasepleasegodimdyingicantbreathepleasepleasehelpwhereareyouicantsee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Heavy dysphoria and body issues in this chapter, as well as improper binding. Please skip the chapter if this makes you uncomfortable.

Hyunjin found himself deep in the fashion department on Saturday, wading through racks and racks of clothes to find something suitably baggy and sporty. He’d passed hangers full of elaborate costumes for their theater productions along multiples of the same suit for some dance performance long forgotten. The air smelled like dust and Fresh Spring Meadow and Hyunjin made a note to check for spiders before taking anything.

Eventually he’d traversed the room to the back corner where someone had hidden all the new Nike clothes, tucked underneath a large window, its glass a dim brown. “Jackpot,” he’d mumbled to himself, picking out a pair of adidas pants a few sizes too big, an oversized hoodie and sneakers that looked well loved, with frayed laces and the white dirtied a beige. Perfect. He picked his way back through the clothes, sliding into a “changing room”. It was just a corner of the large room that was divided into sections by mismatched shower curtains, clearly set up by some student too lazy to change in their dorm.

A mirror thankfully had been propped up against the wall. He changed quickly, wanting to head to Seungmin’s before all of the stir fry was gone. But what he saw in the mirror, made his breath catch.

He’d had a good week. His dysphoria hadn’t been that bad. But suddenly all of it crashed down at once and Hyunjin felt like hiding from his own eyes.

Even despite the baggy clothing, Hyunjin felt his hips and chest jutting out at sickening angles, his cheeks round and bloated, along with the huge eyelashes that were damp with tears. His breath quickened and in his attempts to stop his impending panic, he took deep breaths that were constricted by the fabric of his binder. An anxious, angry, festering energy overtook him, and his shaking hands gripped the hem of his hoodie, before tossing it angrily at the wall. It made a satisfying thump, but the energy remained. Off went his shirt and his undershirt until he was staring at himself in the mirror, body flushed and splotchy, round and ugly, chest straining at his binder. Sobs rought his frame until he was sobbing into his heated hands, nails digging into any available skin he found. He pushed his palms into his eyes, painful colors projected on his eyelids.

He couldn’t see. He couldn’t hear. He barely felt as his hands lowered themselves to his binder and with a precision that was much too practiced, they clasped and unclasped his binder and pulled. Pulled and pulled and pulled until Hyunjin could barely breathe. His sobs turned to desperate gasps for air. He was drowning. He was gasping, coughing, pain shooting through his wiry frame with every movement. Could no one hear him? Did no one care? _He was dying_.

Until he wasn’t.

The tears, pain, coughing, hacking, puking, drowning stopped in an instant.

He got to his feet. When had he fallen? His limbs felt numb and his gaze slid back to his reflection with a protective detachment. He could barely feel the pain as he looked at his chest with a gross sense of satisfaction.

Flat.

Finally.

He let out a gasp of relief.

God, he knew he should loosen it.

_He knew._

Seconds drew into minutes until he pulled his sweater back over his head, pulling on his jeans and his shoes. He stuffed his new outfit clothes into his bag before stepping out of the dressing room without a backwards glance.

He pulled his phone out. “ _i dont think im gonna make it seungie im not feelin well :(_ ”

 

They agreed to meet at the alleyway a quarter ‘til the fireworks started. Of course, that meant Hyunjin was there a half hour early pacing the length of the dark alley way. The end of the alley opened up over the river where the fireworks were being launched. He probably looked insane, pacing a sketchy alley while mumbling to himself, periodically pausing to catch his breath with a pained expression. Not to mention, it had started pouring, but Hyunjin had been too deep into his nervousness to notice until he was drenched. So now he was huddled under a fire escape, praying his partner would arrive soon.

Like any normal person, Felix arrived a quarter ‘til, camera now hanging around his neck. Upon seeing Hyunjin’s state, Felix hurried over, lifting his umbrella to shield the both of them.

“Why didn’t you bring an umbrella?” he laughed, his shiver making his voice quake.

“Just forgot, I guess, hah.” Hyunjin felt no need to mention he didn’t have the funds to buy an umbrella. Felix frowned a bit.

“Are you still good to do the shoot?”

“Yeah! Of course!” Hyunjin nodded enthusiastically, lips quirking at the giggle that earned from Felix.

A bolt of pain shot down his side but with a practiced mastery, Hyunjin’s face barely twitched.

Felix peered around the other, gasping softly. Hyunjin turned to look at whatever had caught his attention.

“Dude, I told you this alley was great! It’s got a sweet view of the skyline. Bro this is gonna be sweet.”

With an excitement Hyunjin had only ever seen in children, Felix began fiddling with the settings on his camera. Of course, the male aligned nicknames didn’t hurt, and the boost to his pride helped him ignore the trembling pain that was building in his ribcage. It was only a few minutes until Felix’s phone went off and with another adorable gasp, he took his phone out to silence it. His free hand waved excitedly.

“Fireworks are starting soon!”

Hyunjin suddenly realized he’d actually have to do modeling. Somehow that thought had escaped him in his excitement for a “date” with Felix. He scrambled further down towards the end of the alley, suddenly forgetting all of his skills as the first firework went off.

**_BOOM._ ** _snap_

His teeth rattled in his skull and Hyunjin felt his chest expand painfully in a surprised gasp. Only until he recovered did he realize that the snap he’d heard was the sound of Felix’s camera. Speaking of the other, he laughed, settling into position ten feet or so from Hyunjin. “Think you can put your modeling skills to use?” Hyunjin laughed nervously and would have responded with some quip if another firework hadn’t gone off.

**_BOOM._ ** _Snap._

Intensifying the pain and dyeing the alleyway a burning red. Swallowing, Hyunjin tried to remember what he’d learned.

Relax. He leaned against the wall, planting one of his shoes on the wall as he tried to ground himself.

Breathe. He breathed deeply, through his diaphragm, despite the pain that stabbed into his chest with every inhale. He relaxed his shoulders and tilted his head to the right before looking at the camera.

**_BOOM._ ** _Snap._

This time he barely flinched as the firework cast a purple hue over the alley. Felix gave him a thumbs up and a smile and Hyunjin clung to it, desperate for any positives. Felix laughed a little bit, gesturing to the umbrella he’d propped up over his head. “Thank god my boyfriend insisted I take this. We might be out of a grade.”

“Your boyfriend?” Hyunjin heard himself meekly ask.

“Yeah, he’s a sweetheart even though he looks like emo personified.”

Suddenly the pain wasn’t just physical.

Direct your fingers downwards. His fingers strained towards the ground, eyes falling shut as he attempted to muscle through the waves of pain crashing over him. He felt weak and intensely achy, each movement sparking painful bursts in his chest like mini fireworks were rupturing with in his ribcage.

**_BOOM._ ** _Snap._

Hyunjin tasted blood. Why did he taste blood. Dimly, he heard Felix asking him to move to the middle of the alley. His palms pressed into the brick before propelling himself off of it, stumbling back to the center of the alley.  

He had a boyfriend.

 _“Are you okay Hyunjin?”_ Hyunjin answered with a shaky thumbs up, striking a lackadaisical pose. That was Felix’s voice, right? Why did he sound so distant. Why did it sound like he was drowning on land, lungs painfully constricting around the liquid filling them.

**_BOOM._ ** _Snap._

The alley was a searing white this time. Right? Black spots danced just out of his point of view. He wondered what those were. His skin felt feverish and hot, the inside of the hoodie clinging to his skin. Or was that just the rain? Was it raining?

Hyunjin wasn’t sure anymore. Random things flitted in and out of his line of sight. Felix’s freckles, a plate of stir fry, clenched fists, purple bruises, roses, braces, Felix’s boyfriend (which was impossible), purple bruises lining his chest, fireworks, canons, mic stands, music scores, purple bruises lining his throat.

He couldn’t breathe, he was drowning. Drowning on air. The feeling of his knees crumpling to the pavement was secondary to the air flooding his lungs. He was breathing. Living. That didn’t seem right. On instinct he shot Felix another thumbs up. “I…… I’m fine….” Felix was standing now, hadn’t he been kneeling before? His camera was lowered, face pulled into a worried expression.

_His father’s remained firmly at his sides, balled into tight fists._

“Keep shooting!” Hyunjin couldn’t tell how loud he’d been but by the expression on Felix’s face, it had been enough to startle him.

**_BOOM._ **

_Click._

Hyunjin rose halfway, pressing his shoulder against the brick in an attempt to leverage himself. Everything hurt. It took him a few seconds before he realized tears had mixed into the pouring rain.

“ _Hyunjin?_ ”

His body tensed and shook, bracing for the blow, he knew it was coming.

_He knew._

**_BOOM._ **

Hyunjin let out a bloodcurling scream.

_He was sorry god he was so so sorry please please let go he was drowning he was alive and he was drowning and he was so sorry please please._

 Until he suddenly fell silent with horrific sounding gag and sickening crack.

 

 

 

 

_Click._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little bit of a shorter one but I think you guys will enjoy :)


	8. Chapter 8

_Saturday_

 

Felix’s heart was still fluttering, the butterflies in his stomach unrelenting. Since he’d met with Hyunjin at the café, it had gotten harder and harder to focus on his schoolwork. Thank god it was the weekend, or else his grades would have been in jeopardy.

He groaned, laying his head on the bar counter. His mind kept replaying their meeting; his round eyes and cute stutter, the pink blush and the beginnings of a mullet that swept over the back of his neck. He was so photogenic it hurt, Felix was aching for it to be Sunday and for the photoshoot to start.

But it wasn’t only his looks that had Felix reeling. Pins and needles had swept over his arms, his hair standing on end at the thought of the other. His heart ached in his chest. Even now, the thought was threatening to bring him to tears.

God.

He had it bad.

So bad in fact, he hardly noticed his boyfriend enter the kitchen, only reacting when the other draped his frame of Felix’s back. “Morning, ‘lix.”

Felix grumbled a response, not bothering to move the other from his back. Changbin, ever perceptive, noticed the mood change. “What’s wrong?”

He sighed heavily, burying his head in his arms. “I got it bad, Binnie.” Changbin’s weight moved from his back as the older moved to sit in the other bar stool. He held the crook of Felix’s arm gently.

“Hyunjin?”

Just the name made Felix wince as his heart fluttered. Changbin smiled pityingly, running a hand through Felix’s orange hair. “You really do, huh?”

“I _do_. And it _sucks_.”

Changbin was silent for a moment before tugging on Felix’s arm insistently. “C’mon. Look at me.” Felix lifted his head from his arms, albeit reluctantly, turning to face his boyfriend. His face was a splotchy red, his eyes red from the apparent emotions coursing through him. “Baby…” The pet name was rare but slipped out when Changbin was worried for Felix. He wrapped his arms around him, pulling the other close.

Felix tucked his face into the crook of Changbin’s neck, hot tears leaking from his eyes. They didn’t come with any sobs or hiccups, but rather manifested as the embodiment of the emotions Felix was suffering through. Changbin let him cry, rubbing circles into his quivering back.

After a few minutes, he pulled away, only to cup his boyfriends face, thumbs brushing away the tears. “You know we’re in an open relationship, Lix. You never need my permission.”

Felix bit the inside of his cheek, choosing his words carefully. “I know, I know, I’m just… I’m just scared. He seems so much better than me.”

“He could never.” Changbin smiled, the one with the teeth that always made Felix laugh, no matter what, and now was no exception. He leaned in, pressing their foreheads together. “You’ll be okay.”

He pressed a soft kiss to the bridge of Felix’s nose. “We’ll be fine.”

 

 

“He has _freckles_ , Seungmin.”

“I know, Hyunjin. You told me.”

“He’s still adorable,” Hyunjin grumbled into the phone receiver, his newly acquired clothes on the table beside him.

“ _I know_ , Hyunjin.” Hyunjin laughed, leaning back in his kitchen chair, arms stretched over his head. “Oh, I forgot to tell you. News of love within the music department is spreading.” Hyunjin’s brow furrowed.

“So what? I thought you didn’t like school gossip.”

The scratching of a pen could be heard over the phone. “I don’t. But Jeongin said that the music department insta said that a note was left in the very last recording studio.”

Hyunjin was still confused. “What does that have to do with me?”

Seungmin sighed and Hyunjin could see him rolling his eyes now. “The note reads, and I quote: `Dear dude that stole my studio even though it was reserved: ur really cute!! meet me before seven am at my studio sometime?”

Hyunjin froze. “For real?”

“For real.”

His ears went an aggressive shade of red for the hundredth time during that phone call. “Seungmin!”

“Hyunjin!”

“What do I do?!”

“You think I know?”

“Oh, I forgot, you’re too busy to date.”

“I am.”

“Sure.” Cough. “Coward.” Cough.

“What?”

“Nothing!”

 

Seungmin went silent for a minute and Hyunjin’s kitchen was filled with the sound of pen scratches.

“…Are you safe?”

Hyunjin hesitated. Already his ribcage was aching from the tighter binder. “Of course, Seunggie.” Seungmin was silent again.

“You know I love you right?”

Hyunjin heard the worry lacing his tone and it made his heart ache. In his sincerest tone, he said: “Of course. I love you so much.”

“Take care of yourself Hyunjin.”

“I will.”

The call ended there, with Hyunjin staring at his darkened screen, his reflection staring back at him.

Being in love wasn’t something he was used to. Crushes had been few and far between, but the symptoms were evident. The butterflies were present in his stomach and the ache in his cheeks from smiling hadn’t relented. On top of that, the boy from the studio wanted to meet up too? Hyunjin put his head in his hands, sighing heavily. This was all becoming too much.

That’s what he’d thought, anyways, before a memory of Felix’s giggle cropped up once again, leaving him both stressed and a blushing mess. How was he going to survive like this?

 

 

 

 

When Hyunjin came to, his head was resting on something warmer than the concrete he’d collapsed onto. His vision was flitting in and out of focus, but he was cognizant enough to recognize the dirty brick of the alley they had shot in. His mouth tasted of iron and felt like it was clamped shut. It took a few seconds and a few bleary blinks to see the tuft of red orange hair bobbing over his head. Felix was on the phone and his words were distant and muffled as if Hyunjin was underwater. He caught a few words.

“Han River… collapsed… no, no no….” Even in his haze, Hyunjin recognized the pain and shakiness in his tone, and decided he’d try to comfort the other. His hand felt leaden but with a weak groan, he lifted his arm, cupping Felix’s face. His skin was feverish, hot with something that had left his bones long ago.

“Fe… lix?” He managed, though his throat protested, feeling like he was speaking around a mouthful of sand.

“Hyunjin?! Hyunjin, thank god!” The sheer relief in Felix’s tone surprised Hyunjin. “Hyunjin can you tell me why you collapsed?” His voice was shaking dangerously and Hyunjin’s heart panged. He scoured his memory to find an answer.

“I…” He tensed. This wasn’t how he’d wanted to come out, although I don’t think anyone did. But Felix was looking at him with the eyes that could melt and break hearts in the same day and Hyunjin couldn’t hold back any longer. He prayed that if Felix left, the paramedics would still show up. “My binder is too tight.” It came out slurred and mumbled but from the way Felix’s eyes widened, it was clear he understood. He parroted the information to the operator, his free hand not straying from Hyunjin’s hair. It grounded Hyunjin, keeping him from slipping back into the sleep that was calling his name. Even so, his eyes fluttered dangerously.

“Stay with me, Hyunjin.” Felix’s voice made his eyes snap back open, staring back into the teary ones above him. “Can I take your binder off?” Hyunjin would have normally protested; he hated people touching his binder, and he could hardly even feel the pain. But it was the bone soaking cold numbness that scared Hyunjin, and left him nodding, despite his qualms.

Felix nodded, his hand removing itself from his hair to reach into Hyunjin’s shirt. Once his fingertips passed his collar bones, Hyunjin could no longer feel anything, the region cold and feverish with numbness, and his breath quickened.

“Easy, Hyunjin.” Just as quickly as his panic had begun, it was over, just a few words from Felix calming his frantic mind. There was soft click and a puff of chill as Hyunjin’s rib cage was freed, bringing with it a hiss from Hyunjin.

“Felix…” Felix’s eyes moved back up to his own, Felix’s stained with worry. “Am I going to die?”

Hyunjin could tell that the other tried to laugh it off. But what came out was a choked sob. “Of course not, Hyunjin. You’ll be just fine. The ambulance will be here any minute.” Sure enough, Hyunjin heard the wail of an ambulance in the distance.

“If I do- “

“You won’t.” Felix’s tone was firm and left no room for argument. Hyunjin let out a choked laugh.

“Okay.”

 

They remained silent until the paramedics arrived, Felix’s hand in Hyunjin’s hair, and for once in his life, Hyunjin felt at peace with what he looked like even with his hair matted with rain, binder haphazardly laid on his chest, blood smeared from the corners of his mouth. There was nothing he could do now.

 

Felix remained pressed his side as he was lifted onto a stretcher, paramedics asking his questions he didn’t have the answers to. “Why?” was very prevalent. Even so he was loaded into an ambulance, Felix insisting he be allowed to sit with Hyunjin in the back. The technician ran Hyunjin’s vitals as they raced between cars, Felix carefully cradling Hyunjin’s hand in his own. It was quieter than he’d imagined it be, the only sound his pounding heart and the beep of a heart monitor. Hyunjin just stared at the other, watching as the night lights passed over his face, watching as they died his freckles every color of the rainbow. Intermittently, he pawed at his eyes, attempting to wipe the tears that refused to disappear. Eventually, he found his voice.

“…thanks for staying.”

Felix turned his head to look at Hyunjin, clearly still anxious in the way his leg hadn’t stopped bouncing. He looked surprised at the notion that Hyunjin had expected him to leave. He took the hand that wasn’t currently being examined and squeezed it. Hyunjin wasn’t sure whose benefit it was for.

“I’ll be here for as long as you need it. Forever and always.”


	9. continue?

hyunjin was drifting. floating in space devoid of stars. his eyes were open and yet he couldn’t see anything besides the hospital gown he was dressed. the stark was a burning contrast to the black, the scent of something sterile burning in his nostrils. but even despite the scent, flowers came to mind, vibrant petals flooding the space around him. pungent roses and wilting daises drowned out the static of the dark, carnations exploding and blooming, honey suckles sprouting from his throat. white heathers rang from his arm. daisies and holly bloomed in his ribcage.

There was peace.

 

Hyunjin woke up stiff. His arms ached, his back ached, his chest ached. Something was beeping. Was it time to wake up already? He didn’t want to wake up yet. He groaned, squeezing his eyes shut. Maybe if he stayed still for long enough the beeping would stop.

“Hyunjin?”

Seungmin? That was Seungmin’s voice. He pried his eyes open, blinking at his surroundings blearily.

It was a hospital room. A box of gloves sat on the counter, next to an expensive looking bouquet of flowers. An IV drip hung from his arm and the only light was a lamp in the corner and the light slipping under the curtain from the hallway, casting the room in a warm yellow tone. 

And next to him sat Seungmin. His friend looked tired, the bags more pronounced than usual and his eyes shining. But even so, his lips were pulled into a smile.

“God, Hyunjin you really know how to scare a guy.” His voice was shakier than Hyunjin had heard in a long time. Tears bubbled up in his eyes and he blindly reached for Seungmin’s hand.

“I’m so fucking dumb.”

“Yeah,” Seungmin admitted, laughing breathlessly. “You really are.” He pulled Hyunjin into a hug, careful not to squeeze too hard. It was silent, save for the ticking of the clock and the alternating sniffles of the two.

When he let go, Hyunjin noted that he still didn’t have his binder on. He hissed under his breath, instinctively covering his chest with his arms.

“You know you don’t have to hide, right? I know. The nurses know. Fuck, even Felix knows.” At the mention of the other, Hyunjin’s eyes widened and scanned the room for any sign of the other.

“He left a little before you woke up.” Hyunjin was a little ashamed at the way his heart panged helplessly in his chest at that. Seungmin smiled, resting a reassuring hand on Hyunjin’s shoulder. “Relax, he’s the one that called me. Said you gave him my number on the ambulance.” That eased Hyunjin’s heart ache a little bit. Maybe he did care.

“And,” Seungmin continued, “He bought those.” He gestured with his hand to the flowers set behind him on the counter. “They don’t look cheap.”

Hyunjin gasped, sitting up on the stiff mattress despite the pain in his chest. It wasn’t as bad as before. The stabbing pain had lessened to a dull ache, like a bruise being pressed on.

“Easy, Hyunjin.” Hyunjin paid him no mind, making grabby hands for the bouquet. The younger rolled his eyes, lifting up the flowers to set them in Hyunjin’s outstretched arms. Immediately, he felt his mood brighten. It was a beautiful arrangement of colored carnations, with a scattering of peonies. Red cardinal flowers burst from the center. It reminded Hyunjin of Felix himself, of his bright energy that seemed to revitalize Hyunjin whenever he was near. A folded card caught his eye from where it was delicately placed against a red cardinal flower stem. He took the card, passing the flowers back to Seungmin and gripping the note tight. What if the note was bad? What if it was like “you’ve got too many problems dude”? Or “I have a boyfriend remember”? Hyunjin almost didn’t want to open. Would the nurses let him eat the note?

Seungmin pushed Hyunjin’s trembling hand toward his chest. “Open it. If not, I will. I want to see if I have to beat someone up.” He laughed shakily, and by the smile that appeared on Seungmin’s face it was clear it was his intention to make him laugh.

He collected himself, reluctantly admitting to himself that breathing was a lot easier without a binder on. With a deep breath and a quick prayer, Hyunjin opened the card.

 

 

 

Hyunjin screamed, dropping the card on his lap and burying his head in his hands. He felt Seungmin pluck it from lap but couldn’t find it in himself to stop the other. It was only when the other cleared his throat and began to read aloud did Hyunjin panic.

“ _Dear Hyunjin_ , - “

Hyunjin’s hands flapped as he tried to get the other to stop. “Seungmin, I swear- “

“ _I hope you get better soon dude!!!_ – “

“Seungmin- “

“ _you really scared me back there, but I think the pictures turned out well!!!!!-_

Hyunjin screamed into his pillow.

“ _im sure it was all u tho ur really cute!!!! hmu up sometime?_ ” Seungmin laughed, even as Hyunjin craved death. “Wow all it took for you to get a boyfriend was a broken rib.”

Hyunjin groaned, covering his face with his arms, blindly attempting to hit Seungmin for the embarrassment he suffered. Before he could be embarrassed further though, there was a soft knock on the wall. He uncovered his eyes to see a nurse, standing there, peeking around the edge of the curtain. “Mr. Hwang? I have the results of your lab work.”

Hyunjin sat up and tried to look as composed as he could be in his nightgown with a painful blush on his cheeks. “Yeah?” The nurse stepped into the room, politely nodding to both Hyunjin and his guest.

“Let’s see here…” She clipped through the pages on her clipboard, nails tapping on the back idly. “Mr. Hwang, your ribs were in very bad shape when you showed up. A bone scan revealed that your ribs had been put under a lot of stress over a course of time,” she looked up from her clipboard, “and I have been informed this is due to the binder you have been wearing?” Hyunjin winced but nodded, glad to have Seungmin by his side. The nurse nodded, scribbling something down. “Now, luckily for you, ribs tend to heal over the course of four to six weeks, as long as they aren’t compressed while healing is taking place.” She looked up again, eyebrows furrowed with a distant sort of empathy. “That means, Mr. Hwang, that you can not wear your binder over the next few weeks. Once the ribs are back in former condition, you’re free to wear it once more but we ask that you wear it in moderation, with proper breaks and never during exercise.” She lowered her gaze, flipping another page. “We have prescribed a pain reliever for now, to be taken once in the morning.” She nodded, as if confirming to herself that that was all she needed to say. “That’s all Mr. Hwang. You can gather your things at the front desk as soon as you are able to leave.”

“Excuse me, ma’am,” Hyunjin hesitated. “What about paying?” He internally braced himself for an expensive bill. God, he only had a few testosterone pills left and he barely had enough money for food.

The nurse’s brows furrowed as she flipped through her paperwork again. “I thought you already had been informed, pardon me.” She lifted her gaze, and for the first time during their exchange, she smiled warmly. “You’re a very lucky kid.” Hyunjin blinked. What was she talking about?

“Your parents already covered the bill.” She nodded, looking back to her clipboard. “Yep, everything is covered, ambulance ride, the bone scan, the prescription, everything.” Hyunjin nodded slowly, his mind still struggling to wrap itself around the concept that _his parents_. _Paid for his bill_? The nurse left quietly, shutting the curtain behind her.

Judging from Seungmin’s silence, he was just as shocked. “Hyunjin, I…” Hyunjin just stared, unblinking at the wall where the nurse had just been standing.

What?

Before he knew it, he was sobbing, Seungmin’s arms wrapped around him again. There was an infinite number of emotions flooding his senses. Hyunjin wasn’t sure if he could ever forgive them for what they did. But it was clear that- that somewhere out there, his parents were still thinking about him.

After a trip to the pharmacy, and the signing of some paperwork, Hyunjin was sitting in the front seat of Seungmin’s old sedan, the both of them just sitting and staring at the hospital bustling around them. “Are you….” Seungmin started, “Are you okay?”

Hyunjin was silent for a moment. “I’m… I’ll be okay.” Seungmin was still looking at him so Hyunjin summoned his brightest smile. “C’mon man, Felix thinks _I’m_ cute, the dude from the studio wants to meet up, I’m practically living the dream!” Seungmin laughed, starting up the car.

“When are you going to accept the fact that you’re handsome?”

“Whenever I get handsome.”

Seungmin slapped his shoulder, and the two of them laughed as they drove out of the parking lot.

 

As soon as Hyunjin got home he collapsed into his bed with a heavy sigh. It had only been a little over 12 hours since the photoshoot and yet he felt like an entire lifetime had gone by. But being back in his room, and his space, eased the remaining tension from his aching frame. He felt strange without his binder on but a barely used bra helped him feel some security. His slender fingers dragged over his bed sheets as he sat up, fishing his phone from the bag that contained his things. Idly, he tapped through the notifications, nothing catching his attention until he slid to a stop at a missed call and a voice mail message.

From his mom.

Hyunjin sat up further, legs curling under him in a crisscross as he stared at his phone. His mind cycled through the possibilities of its contents. Did she want to clarify that she still didn’t want contact with him, even though they paid for his hospital bill? Did she want to apologize? Hyunjin felt tears bubbling in his chest and he hadn’t even opened it yet. He summoned his inner Seungmin and forced himself not to jump to a conclusion until he opened it. Taking a deep breath, Hyunjin opened the voice mail. His mother’s voice filled his bedroom, and Hyunjin realized just how long it had been since he’d heard her speak.

“Hyunjin, I don’t know if you’ll ever listen to this message, but I wanted to apologize….” There was a lull in her voice and Hyunjin’s throat tightened. “Your father and I were ignorant, and rash and your recent hospital visit made me- ‘her voice choked up and he realized she was crying. “It made me realize how rash we have been. We abandoned our only son at the first sign of adversity.” She took a deep breath. “I don’t expect you forgive us, but if you need any support from us, you know where we are.” The phone clicked as the call ended and Hyunjin was left alone in his room once more. He flopped back on his bed, staring at his ceiling.

He needed sometime to think.

 

He woke up the next morning exhausted and antsy, the sun barely trickling through his blinds. He’d recalled what Seungmin had said about Studio Dude and had set multiple alarms to make sure he’d be on time. But, _god_ , it was too early to be functioning.

Even so, he forced his legs out of the warm blankets, bare feet recoiling from the cold hard wood. He took a few moments to himself, staring at his lap as he just sat and listened. Once he was awake enough to get up, he stood, and made his way over to his dresser. It had been a long time since he’d had to dress while taking his chest into account, and he shot a thank you to Seungmin for having the foresight to but him the largest sweat shirts possible. He pulled a black one over his head, hoping the shroud his form as best as possible. He nodded at himself in the mirror, hyping himself up a little. He could do this.

A pair of pants, shoes, and a tooth brushing sesh later, Hyunjin stood in front of his front door, keys, phone, and wallet in hand. He was ready, but he wasn’t _ready_. He was waiting for a sign, anything to tell him to go. That sign came in the form of his fifth alarm that morning, reminding him to leave. He silenced the cheery tone before resting his hand on the door knob. He was ready.

The weather was overcast, a thick fog hanging low in the air. Hyunjin’s breath came out in puffs of white steam, before merging with the moisture that clung to his skin. The walk to the music building was thankfully devoid of students and Hyunjin was reminded of the first time he’d made this walk, only to choose the wrong studio.

Or perhaps, Hyunjin thought, his cheeks managing to darken despite the chill, he’d picked the right one.

The walk to the studio at the end of the hall filled him with a somber dread. Like, he’d already accepted his fate but that didn’t make him any less nervous. He stood in front of the door for a few minutes, hyping himself up and psyching himself out in a vicious cycle.

He squeezed his eyes shut, and just, raised his hand and knocked, half of him hoping the other wasn’t in there.

So, when the door swung open, revealing a beaming dude with his arms _out_ , despite the cold, Hyunjin felt himself exit.

“It’s you!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all the comments last chapter they really meant a lot to me!!!! ALSO!!!! if you have anything you'd like to see me write blease tell me? winter break is coming up and i'd like to get something else out for you guys!!


	10. u looking p cute tbh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fortune cookies and gay panic part three

Hyunjin’s heart stopped.

“W- What?”

“You’re the one that stole my studio!” Changbin was still beaming and before Hyunjin knew it, the shorter had thrown an arm around Hyunjin’s shoulders, pulling him into the studio. The room was thrumming with a heavy beat. He was sure his cheeks were an intense shade of red.

“You’re not… mad?”

“It’s cool,” the other said, releasing Hyunjin and sliding into the desk chair. “I was going to try to get your number, but you disappeared before I could.” Hyunjin laughed nervously, his cheeks managing to darken somehow. He perched himself on the extra chair in the room, making eye contact for brief periods of time.

“Trust me you’re not missing much.”

“Well, you’re here.”

“I… I sure am.”

Changbin gave a toothy grin, seemingly enjoying Hyunjin’s floundering. “Here,” he said, turning to face the sound board. “Maybe you can help me with this.” Hyunjin scooted over to the other’s side, peering at what Changbin had written so far. He had a solid percussion line written with the beginning of a base line underneath it. “You’re a producing major right?”

Hyunjin winced. “Nah.”

Puzzled, Changbin turned to face him. “Singing major?”

“Nope.”

“Rapping major.”

Hyunjin shook his head and shrugged. “I’m a modeling major. I’ve tried rapping and when you caught me, I had been trying to see if I could produce my own beat.” He rubbed nervously at the back of his neck. “Its still a work in progress. “

Changbin’s eyes widened and a smile split his cheeks. “Perfect.” Hyunjin pulled away, somewhat wary of the excited expression on the other’s face.

“What.”

“So!” Changbin said, wheeling to face the soundboard and laptop once more. “I need fresh ears to listen to this.” He held a up a pair of headphones, giving Hyunjin a questioning look. Relenting, he took the headphones, placing them over his ears and giving a tentative thumbs up. Changbin beamed, pressing play.

The track was good. Really good. Hyunjin wasn’t sure he could make a beat anything like this, much less offer anything to improve it. He removed his headphones, careful to sweep his hand through his hair to fix it.

“It’s really good. Like, super good.” For the first time in their encounter, Changbin almost looked sheepish. But it was gone so fast, Hyunjin wasn’t sure if he had hallucinated it or not. The other groaned, spinning slowly in his desk chair. “It’s not good _enough_ , ugh.”

Hyunjin bit his lip. His expertise in producing music was limited but there had to be something he could do to help. He pulled on the headphones again and listened to the track one more time, this time searching for anything lacking in the beat. He made mental notes of what he heard, managing to make a coherent critique.

“I…” He started, startling Changbin from his chair spinning. He turned to face Hyunjin with an attentiveness that was almost nerve wracking. “I think the track could benefit from a synth track, maybe one that came in near the chorus. Like,” he said and with a sudden burst of self-confidence, he reached over and began fiddling with the sound board, shambling together a quick few chords to show what he’d meant. “Something like this?” Hyunjin handed the headphones back to Changbin and waited with bated breath as he waited to hear his reaction. The other’s eyes narrowed then widened and then his hands were flying over the sound board faster than Hyunjin could keep track of. The headphones fell momentarily forgotten around his neck.

“You’re a genius!”

Hyunjin practically choked, managing a thanks despite the severe red that stained his cheeks. “Just, trying to help, I guess.”

“I totally forgot that those synths existed!” Changbin’s fingers flitted over the buttons and dials, tuning and adjusting the chords Hyunjin had added until they sounded perfect. He tugged off the headphones, setting them down on the desk and swiveled to face Hyunjin. “So!”

“So,” Hyunjin responded, as eloquent as ever.

“Tell me about yourself!”

Hyunjin totally just, blanked for a second. “I… I’m a first year at this school. Been a modeling major the entire time.” Changbin nodded, encouraging him to continue, and Hyunjin struggled to think, not used to the bright attentiveness the other had. “I don’t have a job right now, just kind of living off my scholarship. Though I might not have it for much longer…”

Changbin’s head tilted, brows furrowing under the swath of black hair. “Why are you gonna lose your scholarship?”

Hyunjin froze, then thought for a minute. Did he trust Changbin? Would the other be off put by the truth? Did Hyunjin care? Yes. Yes, he was. But he was equally as tired of not being open about his struggles. Needing the no-nonsense view point, Hyunjin thought of what Jeongin would do. The younger always had a habit of speaking his mind no matter how much it got him in trouble.

He groaned tiredly. “Ugh, it’s such a long story. My parents kinda Exited after I came out as trans and I haven’t gone to any of my classes since because I’m high key afraid to have to come out.” He threw in a shrug for good measure. “My professors are starting to get on my case.”

“Dude that’s so wack.” Hyunjin looked down at the other from where his eyes were trained on the ceiling. He wasn’t expecting such a casual response. The other hadn’t even batted an eye from what Hyunjin could tell. “I’m so lucky my parents support me and my gay ass or else I wouldn’t know what to do with my life.” Hyunjin chuckled, though it was thick with an unidentified emotion. Suddenly, a warm hand was resting on his and Hyunjin looked up to find the other looking at him with a mix of concern and sympathy. “If you ever need any help, I’ll be here.” Hyunjin swallowed and nodded.

Was it possible to fall in love with two people at once?

Hyunjin was in that studio for longer than he’d anticipated. The two went back and forth on their likes and dislikes, settling into a comfortable sort of calm. He even helped Changbin with his songs, listening every once in a while, to point out any mistakes or missing pieces that Changbin’s ears might have missed.

Now, Hyunjin was scrolling through his phone, his legs draped across Changbin’s lap as he worked, the two of them sitting in comfortable silence.

“You want Chinese?”

Hyunjin looked up from his phone, patting his pockets down, before wincing. “I don’t have any money on me.”

Changbin waved it off. “Don’t worry about it, my parents are loaded or whatever.” He pulled out his phone and dialed the well-memorized number, ignoring Hyunjin’s mildly shocked expression. “Yeah I’ll take the usual,” Changbin said, waving a hand at Hyunjin’s laughter. “Oh, and extra fortune cookies please… Thanks!” He hung up, pushing Hyunjin’s legs off of him indignantly. The other was still laughing, even as his feet landed on the ground.

“The regular??”

Changbin threw his arms in the air. “I go there a lot! They know my number!” Hyunjin laughed harder, practically doubled over. “You buy someone food and they disrespect you in your own home.”

“I- I’m—I’m sorry- “Hyunjin could barely manage the apology through his laughter, not noticing the way Changbin’s lips pulled into a fond smile.

 

That’s how the pair found themselves sitting on the floor of the studio, open containers of Chinese food littering the area around them. Changbin had taken the sour pork for himself and Hyunjin kept himself content with the fried rice. They fell silent in between them scarfing down food.

“So,” Hyunjin said, swallowing. “Your parents are rich?”

“Yeah man. I try not to depend on them though. I’m still living here mostly on scholarship.”

Hyunjin nodded, munching on another mouthful of rice. “I am truly living the college student life. I’ve had ramen five days in a row.”

Changbin’s eyes widened. “Is that like, safe?”

He shrugged. “I mean, no. But I don’t have anything else to eat.”

“That’s illegal you can’t do that.”

Hyunjin laughed, trading his rice for a container of noodles. “What are you gonna do about it?” Changbin opened his mouth- “Besides giving me money.” -and closed it again.

He thought for a moment before trying again. “If you come back tomorrow, you can have as much Chinese as you want.” Hyunjin held a hand to his chest, pretending to swoon.

“You really know how to spoil a guy, huh?”

Changbin wiggled his eyebrows, shit eating grin on his face. Hyunjin groaned, kicking him in the knee. The other held his knee to his chest, pouting. “You’re lucky your legs are so long you giant.”

“I’m the giant? You’re like, a baby.”

“I am not! You’re just! Abnormally tall!”

“Keep telling yourself that.”

Changbin screeched and Hyunjin doubled over laughing, nearly spilling his noodles. “Take your fucking fortune cookies, you giraffe.” Two cookies were tossed in his lap and he relented on the teasing, instead taking a break to unwrap his fortunes. The sound of crinkling plastic filled the room as the pair unwrapped their fortunes.

“`Monetary success is in your future` ooo~” Changbin said around a mouthful of cookie. Carefully, Hyunjin extracted the piece of paper from the cookie, unraveling it. “What you get?”

“`Expect romance in your life soon. `” Despite the inherent stupidity of the cookies, some part of Hyunjin hoped the cookie’s fortune held true.

“Oh sweet! Anyone you’re talking too?”

Hyunjin hesitated but shook his head, catching a glimpse of a somewhat hopeful expression on Changbin’s face. “Well,” Changbin started. “Jokes on you, because my other fortunes says… I… will have a garden soon.” Hyunjin snorted at the disappointed expression on the other’s face. The shorter huffed, throwing his balled-up fortune at Hyunjin’s forehead. “What does yours say, huh?”

Hyunjin picked up his second cookie, repeating the process until he held the extricated paper between his fingers. Flipping it over, he read it out loud, voice somewhat failing him at the end in disbelief. “Expect romance in your life soon…” He laughed nervously. “I mean, what are the chances?”

“Woah!” Changbin exclaimed, reaching for the wantons. “You’re definitely gonna get a boyfriend soon. The gods have spoken.”

“I don’t think- “

“Oh! Or two boyfriends! Can you imagine?”

“I can hardly imagine one person wanting to date me, much less two.”

“You’d be surprised.”

For some reason, that hadn’t been the response Hyunjin was expecting. Perhaps it was the earnestness with which it was spoken, but Hyunjin felt his heart skip a beat.

“I… I should go… It’s getting kinda late and I promised I’d call my partner before seven.” Hyunjin stood on wobble giraffe legs, Changbin rising quickly to join him.

“Oh! Yeah that’s cool! I didn’t mean to keep you all day.”

“It’s fine,” Hyunjin said, pulling open the door to the studio. “I’ll… see you tomorrow.” And with that, Hyunjin was gone as fast as physically possible, the blush he’d been managing to keep down, exploding onto his cheeks.

 He let his long legs carry him out of the music building as fast as physically possible. Fuck.

 

After a nap, a shower, and a rambling text to Seungmin, Hyunjin picked up his phone, thumb hovering over Felix’s number. There was no reason to be afraid. Besides, he still had to thank him. He tapped the number, holding his phone to his ear. The phone was hardly ringing for a second before Felix’s voice was crackling to life through the speaker.

“Hyunjin! Are you going okay??”

Hyunjin laughed nervously. “I’m doing fine.” He swallowed his nerves to bring up a question that had been bothering him ever since he’d woken up in the hospital. “How… How do you fell about me being trans?” His voice instinctively lowered as if anyone was listening in on the conversation in his empty ass apartment.

“It’s cool! Doesn’t bother me really. You’re always gonna be my dude.”

For some reason, that simple sentiment left Hyunjin tearing up. “But hey,” Felix continued. “Can you meet me on the roof?” Hyunjin blinked away his tears, brows furrowing.

“Isn’t the door locked?”

“My friend lent me the key, so we’re chill.”

“Oh! I’ll be there in a few minutes?”

“See you then!”

Hyunjin hung up, staring at his wall in disbelief. Guess… he was going to roof.

 

The door of the roof took a couple of shoves to open, but once it swung open, Hyunjin’s heart stopped.

“Hey Hyunjin!”

 

Felix was standing there, orange hair blending into the sunset behind him. In his hands, he held a poster decorated with glitter paint that simply read `u lookin p cute tbh`. Hyunjin certainly didn’t believe it, especially in his sweatshirt and with bits of fried rice still clinging to him. A stunned “woah” was all he could muster.

Felix grinned, round smile making Hyunjin’s heart beat wildly in his chest. “I know I put this in my note, but I wanted to make sure you got the message.”

“…Message received?” he managed.

The other laughed again, which was just unfair, and set down the poster to wrap Hyunjin in a hug. “I hope you know it’s true.”

Hyunjin stood stiff in the other’s embrace not entirely sure what to do with his arms. “Are…” He suddenly spoke up, bringing the other’s gaze to him once more. “Are you flirting with me?”

For whatever reason, that one question had Felix in hysterics, arms leaving Hyunjin’s torso in favor of holding his sides. Eventually, he wiped his eyes looking back at Hyunjin. “You’re serious?” Hyunjin nodded slowly, not entirely sure what was so funny.

“God, Hyunjin,” Felix said, leaning up to press a kiss to Hyunjin’s cheek. “Is that a good enough answer?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you guys are having a good christmas eve!!! and i hope you know that......... u guys are lookin p cute tbh 😎


	11. boyfriend number one

Hyunjin was reeling.   
“I…”  
Felix pulled away a little bit, brows furrowing in worry.   
“Was that okay?”

Hyunjin scrambled to assure the other that it was, indeed, okay.   
“It was good! Great, even!” Hyunjin winced; he sounded like a dork. Felix giggled, a sound Hyunjin had missed in their time apart, and laced their fingers together.

“Was that your first kiss?”

Hyunjin’s cheeks darkened, his eyes flitting away from the other’s face.   
“What? No!”   
Felix raised an eyebrow in disbelief and Hyunjin relented, groaning.   
“Perhaps it was!”   
Felix laughed, and Hyunjin noticed the way the other’s face was splotched with red, his cheeks dusted with the freckles Hyunjin had fallen for. “You’re really beautiful, you know that?” Hyunjin asked, his tone holding a certain reverent quiet that was absent in his normal way of talking.

Felix looked away, hitting Hyunjin in the chest. “Shut up, man.”  
A broad smile split Hyunjin’s face as he squeezed their intertwined hands. “You have to be able to take what you deal.”   
“No I don’t! You just have to… stop, doing that.”

There was a pause as Hyunjin processed that before he burst out laughing, his chortles soon being echoed by the shorter. His chest and his binder and his parents and everything else were the furthest thing in his mind right now and it left Hyunjin feeling refreshed and energized.

“Hyunjin.” Felix’s tone was serious, something strange and foreign to him. Instinctively he braced himself, mentally trying to prepare for any bad news and/or heart break. He’d like to say that on the outside he looked completely calm and indifferent. But the soft look Felix gave him told him different. The shorter reached a hand up to cup, Hyunjin’s cheek. Hyunjin forced himself not to flinch and settled into the hand, leaning into it. The warm eyes examining him, scanned his face, reading him like a book.

“Stop panicking, I can see you thinking at a mile a minute.” The part in English made him blink, and he softly mouthed the words to himself, trying to sound them out. Felix smiled warmly, giggling behind his free hand. He stopped his attempt at English, reminding himself that Felix had been trying to get his attention.

“What’s up… man?”

Felix burst out laughing again, hitting Hyunjin in the chest again. “Stop being cute so I can finish my thought.”

“I mean, I’ll try.”

Felix’s brows furrowed in a faux glare though the small smile tugging at his lips hindered its sincerity. He cleared his throat, and tried again.

“I was going to ask that you, Hwang Hyunjin, be my boyfriend?” His voice rose sharply in tone at the end of the question, his nervousness leaking into his words.

Hyunjin was rendered speechless for like, the fifth time that day.

“I…” Felix’s hesitant smile began to slip and Hyunjin panicked again, hurrying to complete his thought. “Of course I will, Felix. I’m surprised you even had to ask.”

The toothy grin was back in full force and Hyunjin felt himself let out a breath of relief.

“I mean,” the younger said, leaning in to peck him on the cheek once more. “It doesn’t hurt to ask.”

Hyunjin’s painful blush returned and he resisted the urge to hide his face in his hoodie.

“And,” Felix began, the serious tone back once more. This time Hyunjin didn’t play around, instead swallowing and nodding to show he was listening. “I need to ask this, dude, I’m sorry. Are you okay with an open relationship? You remember I said I had a boyfriend right?”

Oh yeah.

Right.

Hyunjin had nearly forgotten. Was he okay with it?

As he thought, he found he wasn’t nearly as distraught by the thought as he thought he’d be. Just the thought of dating Felix sometimes was enough to have him a mess. After a few more moments of deliberation, Hyunjin spoke up.

“I’m okay with it.” A thought occurred to him and his brows furrowed. “I don’t have to date him right?”   
Felix laughed, a laugh of amusement and relief, lowering his hands to squeeze Hyunjin’s.   
“Nah,” he said. “I mean unless you want to.” The two beamed happily, their hands swinging between them the way only new couples do, when they’re still fresh faced and in love.

Hyunjin cleared his throat eventually, getting his attention. “Can we… kiss for real?”

Felix’s smile softened. “You don’t have to ask.”  
“I know but- “

Hyunjin’s words were cut off by soft lips pressed to his. Experimentally, he moved his and Felix responded in kind. Those few moments were not enough, and they left Hyunjin with butterflies frantically beating against his ribcage. “Woah…”

Felix threw an arm around Hyunjin’s shoulder. “And imagine, that’s only the beginning.”

“Wow…”

“Yeah, I know. Now let’s go see if we can throw these rocks all the way to that trash can by the lamppost.” Hyunjin let himself be tugged towards the edge of the roof, basking in the radiance of his new boyfriend. Things couldn’t get better.

 

Changbin’s eyes were growing fuzzier the longer he stared at the blank document. He blinked away the yawn that was threatening to gather at the corner of his eyes, leaning closer to the laptop as if that would help him focus. Its fan was whirring softly, filling the normally noisy studio.

Speaking of, the studio had gathered a sense of homeliness to it. Or, “mess”, as Chan affectionately called it whenever he managed to visit. Blankets were draped over both of the chairs in the room, Changbin’s favorite Marvel one pulled over his shoulders. To-go coffee cups littered the desk and the area in and around the trash can. Some called it messy, Changbin affectionately referred to it as lived in. He hadn’t left the building since the morning prior, only leaving the studio for bathroom breaks and to sneak coffee from the front desk downstairs. (Okay, so _maybe_ it wasn’t technically sneaking as much as it was pouring himself a cup as fast as possible before they could stop him, but who really cared.)

 _Clack_.

" _I_ "

A wonderful and promising beginning to his song. He groaned pitifully, head landing on his keyboard as he lamented his sorrow.

“ _Cdyhbchj cfc_ ”

But just as his despair threatened to consume him, there came a knock at the door. _What_? Changbin thought. _Chan’s in class right now, so who-_

 _Hyunjin_.

With an embarrassingly similar reaction to the one a puppy might have, Changbin stumbled over to the door, and pulled it open with a bright smile.

What he certainly wasn’t expecting was the same smile to be mirrored on the other’s face.

“Changbin!” The other exclaimed, voice filled with something giddy and oozy and it wasn’t even a second before Changbin was bouncing on his heels too.

“Hyunjin! You look… happy,” he said, stepping aside to let the other into the studio. With none of the cautious hesitation of yesterday, Hyunjin stepped into the room and collapsed into the chair, folding his outrageously long legs under him.

“I am!” Hyunjin beamed and Changbin felt his heart stutter in his chest. He flopped into his desk chair, doing his best to match the other’s enthusiasm.

“So what happened?” Hyunjin looked up from where he had been gazing at his phone screen, with a look Changbin hadn’t seen in a while.

“Is it that obvious?”

Changbin nodded, turning towards his laptop as he attempted to start his verse once more. His fingers idly rapped at the desktop, subconsciously tuning Hyunjin out.

“Well, you know how I said I wasn’t talking to anyone?”

“Mhmm,” Changbin responded, sounding rhythms out under his breath.

“Well, I lied, I guess, and guess what happened yesterday after I left?”

“What?” Changbin responded, hearing the words but not really processing them.

“I!!! Have a boyfriend!!”

Now, that.

That, Changbin heard.

Changbin turned in his desk chair to face the other. How long has his mouth been open in shock? He finally placed where he’d seen that expression before. He’d seen it on himself and Felix, on any new couple. It was pure unadulterated just, adoration. Heart eyes, sweaty palms kinda stuff. Changbin swallowed.

“You’re… for real?” He inquired, even though he didn’t have to. He already knew the answer.

“Yeah, I guess the fortune cookies were right, haha.”

“They really were, huh?”

Changbin tried to not show the weird pain he felt at the revelation, but he’s always been someone who wore his emotions on his sleeve and he was sure Hyunjin could see the disappointment scrawled over his face. The other started to ask, opened his mouth to express his concern, until an obnoxiously loud notification from his laptop, drew both of their attentions. Changbin turned to address it and the atmosphere settled into a semblance of its prior normalcy. There was a squeak of protest from the wood flooring as Hyunjin moved to sit behind Changbin, peering over his shoulder, like he had yesterday.

“What were you working on?”

  
Hyunjin carried the conversation with his cheery attitude all day, even despite the quieter mood Changbin had fallen into. Hyunjin cracked the jokes and set the atmosphere, something he was absolutely unaccustomed to. It was almost a relief when the other relented under the demands for another picnic of Chinese on the floor.

But even though the food brought a respite from the stressful atmosphere, it created a whole new awkward one, where the two would glance at each other occasionally, neither of them sure of what to say. It was stifling. In an attempt to lift the tension weighing down on him, he blurted the first thing that had been on his mind.

“My boyfriend said we were in an open relationship!”

Changbin stopped chewing his rice, giving him a bewildered expression. Hyunjin’s free hand waved as he rushed to amend his mistake.

“I thought that was kinda weird? Like an open relationship? But I mean I’ve never been a relationship before now so maybe it’s not strange? I thought about it and it sounds pretty sweet? Cause, I mean, there’s a lot of cute guys out there and-“

Hyunjin’s incessant rambling was interrupted by a snort from Changbin, the first real bit of laughter Hyunjin had seen all day from the day. He stuck out his lip.

“Stop making fun of me!”  
Changbin waved his hands in feigned innocence.   
“I just- That was very funny, in my defense.”

Hyunjin gasped in disbelief.   
“Well, how many relationships have you been in, Mr. Hot-Shot?”

With an air of smugness almost, Changbin answered. “Quite in few, in fact. I’ll have you know that I’m dating someone right now!! And we are also in an open relationship even though I didn’t freak out about it as much as you did, apparently.”

Hyunjin was silent for a solid few seconds, before he slowly lifted another piece of orange chicken to his lips.

“Sounds fake but okay.”

The screech Changbin let out was practically unholy. Hyunjin laughed harder than he had in a while.

“How dare you. In my own house. In front of my salad.” Each sentence was punctuated with an aggressive point that only made Hyunjin laughed harder.

“My boyfriend is as real as these chopsticks will be when I throw them at you with the precision of a sushi chef who’s secretly a spy who’s cover has been compromised.”  
Hyunjin was dying on the floor. Someone help.

Changbin squared his jaw. If this was the hill he died on, he was bringing Hyunjin with him.

Step one: Hook.

“I bet you’re boyfriend is fake too,” Changbin said, examining his nails as if he was bored by the other, like that would ever be true. “You’re probably just trying to make me jealous.”

Hyunjin’s laughter subsided, eyes narrowed in a semblance of suspicion. “Why would I want to make you jealous?”

Changbin grinned.

Step two: Line.

“Please. I know you love me.” Flirting was back on the table, and Changbin wasn’t going to let that opportunity pass him up.

A wide range of emotions flashed over Hyunjin’s face, ranging from consideration and contemplation, to disbelief, to something entirely different that left a stark blush splashed across Hyunjin’s cheeks.

“I- I absolutely do not- okay, you just, wish that was true.”Hyunjin’s quaking voice belied his attempt at a comeback.

Step three: Sinker.

Changbin didn’t respond for a second, letting his eyes drift over the others face, letting him know that he knew exactly how he felt. His gaze settled on the other’s eyes, and Changbin summoned all of his charm. He winked at the other, standing before the other had a chance to respond, and flopping into his desk chair.

“Don’t worry man.”

“I believe you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry if the format and quality is weird for this chapter, i had to write this on my phone


	12. backstreets back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> long time no see babes

Hyunjin blinked. In a split second, Changbin had slid back into his desk chair, and the studio was filled with the sound of the gentle taps of the keyboard. He sat back for a moment, quiet, his noodles lukewarm in their container. His blush burned hot and red, despite his attempts to press it out of his cheeks with the heel of his free hand. Falling in love in the same month was not in his schedule. And yet it seemed that fate had other ideas.

He pushed through the lovestruck fog, closing the flaps of the Chinese food container under practiced fingers, before continuing to box up the rest of the food, arranging them back in the bag they came in. He’d leave it here for Changbin, in case he remembered to eat in his late night producing haze. Shaking off the remnants of his flush, Hyunjin took his usual place in the chair at the side of Changbin’s desk, draping one of the few blankets that had accumulated in the studio over his shoulders. The room was quiet, silent even, save for the keyboard clicks and the soft squeaks Hyunjin’s chair made as he spun in it slowly. Not fast enough to make himself dizzy, but just enough to keep him from going insane in the quiet. Hyunjin was contemplating rifling through his pockets for his headphones but a sudden question from the other stopped him.

Tucking the padded ear of the headphones behind his ear, Changbin had turned to Hyunjin with eyes that reflected the glow of the computer screen.   
“Do you want to feature on this?”   
Instinctively, Hyunjin laughed, but when his eyes held steady, waiting an answer, Hyunjin’s smile grew nervous.   
“I’ve only rapped a few times before; surely you can find someone else,” Though his nerves framed it as a question, it was true; many performance students waited for ages before getting to feature on a track. Hyunjin’s skills were limited and the few lessons he had had on things like cadence and flow were buried under a months worth of a depressive episode. Changbin shrugged, his eyes leaving his for a moment as he did so.

“ I could. But I want you.”   
“I…” Hyunjin swore he knew how to talk just minute ago. He was going to turn it down, claim that he had too much to do, or that he had too much stress as it is. But the genuine ask on Changbin’s face toppled the excuses on his tongue. Instead, he reconsidered, pulling up the dregs of excitement and motivation he’d nearly forgotten in the back of his mind. He thought it over again.

He could practically feel the warmth radiating from Changbin’s smile as he sounded out his response.

“Yeah, alright.”

Before he could blink, Changbin had him wrapped in a bone crushing hug. Hyunjin’s hands hovered over his back, not sure what to do with them. The hug was warm and solid, though that made it sound like he had never been hugged before. Seungmin’s hugs were nice, a soft squeeze followed by a mutual back pat was practically a ritual after spending several hours too long in each other’s dorms. But Changbin’s hug was grounding, like Hyunjin had been anxiously drifting for longer than he could remember. Hyunjin laughed quietly, gently but hesitantly returning the hug.

Almost too soon, Changbin pulled away, the toothy grin once again lighting up the space between them.   
“Thank you so much man,” He said, turning back to his computer with a renewed vigor in his fingers. “The track is virtually done, I just need to put the finishing touches on the lyrics.” Writing and rewriting the same line a few times, his fingers flew over the keyboard. “If I send you your verse, can you record your parts in like… before next week?”

“Sure!” Hyunjin said, not really thinking about it. That was probably enough time, right? Did it even matter though, because the beginning of that smile was pulling at Changbin’s lips again and Hyunjin knew he would get it done.

The rest of their time at the studio was spent revising Hyunjin’s verse, trading phone numbers so Changbin could send him the lyrics and sound file, and eating the now cold Chinese food once it began to get late. For the first time in the couple of days he’d spent there, Hyunjin didn’t run out of the studio like he had before, instead, the pair left together.

Once they were downstairs, Changbin handed the studio key to the tired looking front desk man with a small thanks and a nod.   
“Why do they let you stay so late?” Hyunjin asked. The other shrugged, pulling open the glass doors of the building and holding them open for him.   
“As long as I lock up they don’t really care.”   
Tugging his hood over his head, Hyunjin stepped out of the warm building and into the nighttime chill.

The air smelled damp and the concrete steps of the music building were still wet with rain. Internally Hyunjin groaned, already picking up the pace to get back the dorm faster. But even as he shivered, Changbin took the steps two at a time, his smile broad, seemingly basking in the cold. He paused for a moment at the base of the stairs and turned his head up and turned towards the sky. His eyes were closed, clearly enjoying himself. Hyunjin watched as the white vapor drifted from his mouth, until Changbin’s eyes were back on him, twinkling in the light pouring from the building behind him.   
“C’mon, what are you waiting for?”   
Hyunjin hurried to catch up. Maybe with Changbin, the cold wasn’t so bad.

The walk back to the dorms was quiet, save for the distant thrum of traffic and the chattering of Hyunjin’s teeth. No one else was around, understandably. It was too late for the joggers and bikers, and far too early for any of the drunks coming home from the local bars to be returning.

Maybe something in the air was making him bold.   
Maybe having a boyfriend suddenly made him a romance expert.   
Maybe it was something in the water.  
But whatever it was, Hyunjin spoke up and broke the silence.

“Can you hold this for me?”

Changbin’s eyes flitted between Hyunjin’s empty hand and his face, trying to discern if he was really being serious. It took all of Hyunjin’s willpower not to laugh it off and dismiss it as a joke. Changbin stared, and stared, until a smile broke the tension.

“Sure man.” He took Hyunjin’s hand in his with a laugh, intertwining their fingers together. Yelling internally, Hyunjin squeezed their hands together tighter. Changbin doesn’t protest and the two enter the dorms with their hands still entangled between them.

The elevator was empty, as it often was at this time of night, but the speakers still played instrumentals of the schools alumni even as the doors slid open.   
“What floor are you on?” Changbin asked, as he pressed fourth floor button, the button glowing a dim orange.   
“Third.”   
Nodding, Changbin presses the third floor button, and the pair watched as the door slid closed over the lobby of the building. The elevator creaked and groaned, protesting as it pulled the pair upwards. It was notoriously slow, but for once, Hyunjin didn’t mind the wait. Changbin’s presence at his side, soothed many of the worries he usually had. Just holding his hand made him feel important. It was a rare feeling, but it wasn’t the first time he’d felt it. He could trace it back to how he felt when Felix smiled, or laughed; the emotions were one and the same. Changbin’s head was resting on his shoulder and although he couldn’t tell you how long it had been there, he could say he didn’t mind it.

The elevator shifted and let out a final groan as it ground to a stop at the third floor. Neither of them moved. Neither of them spoke. Hyunjin cleared his throat, breaking the comfortable silence the two of them had settled of them. He shifted from foot to foot but didn’t move to leave yet.   
“I guess I should go.”

Changbin smiled, a small, tight lipped one that held a hint of sadness. “I guess you should.”

Hyunjin’s feet carried him out of the elevator and into the dorms dim corridor, their hands still locked between them. Before Hyunjin could try his hand at flirting once more, Changbin released his hand and stepped, letting the door begin to slide closed.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” came the shorter’s voice, as the doors finally shut over his face.

  
Hyunjin stared at his blurry reflection in the metal for a couple beats before turning around and heading for his apartment, patting his pockets for his keys.

The inside of his apartment brought a respite from the emotions he was experiencing, and he made the unfortunately short strides to his bed where he promptly fell on it with all the grace of a wad of paper. He stared at the glow in the dark stars still clinging to his ceiling before a there was a soft chime from his phone. Fishing it out of his pocket and wincing at the glow, he saw he had two messages from Felix.

‘ _hey_ _bro_ _i_ _hope_ _u_ _slept_ _well_!!!!!!!!!’

‘ _i_ _sarang_ _u_ _dude_ _goodnight!!!!!!!!!!!!_!’

Attached to both messages was a string of heart emojis, the kind Hyunjin had only dreamed of receiving. I mean, was Seungmin supposed to send him those? Still unused to this whole boyfriend thing, Hyunjin hesitated before responding. He settled on an Instagram heart meme he’d saved for this very scenario, and his own string of exclamation marks and emojis. Both satisfied with his response and sleepy, Hyunjin dropped his phone somewhere off the side of his bed, letting himself sink into his bed.

-

But of course good things aren’t meant to last.

The first thing Hyunjin noticed upon waking up was that he had left his bra on overnight, meaning he was in for a day of old man back. Reluctantly he sat up, already rubbing at his spine. He slumped into the bathroom for those normal things like hygiene and general maintenance. Ugh. Gross. He stuck his toothbrush in his mouth, scrolling through his Instagram with as little enthusiasm as he could manage. He squinted at himself in the mirror, wondering if he could “cheat” his daily beauty regiment for the fifth day in a row when a dull ache erupted just behind his stomach.

Was the universe really serious about this? _Today_?

He’d been on T pills for a few months now, but apparently he still had another month of this shit to go through. The T had angled his face enough to make him look male passing, at least facially, and dropped his voice a couple octaves or two but it couldn’t fix _this_? Hyunjin groaned, preparing himself for 5-7 days of dysphoria, blood, and aches and pains all over.

His finger was hovering over Seungmin’s number (he was always reliable on things like this) when a number he didn’t recognize’s caller ID lit up his screen. He considered declining it and just going on with his self loathing and awful day, when it occurred to him that it could be Changbin. Again preparing himself for social interaction, Hyunjin answered the call.

“Hey man, are you good?”

The worry in Changbin’s tone kinda surprised him. “Yeah, why?”

“You’re like, late, hah, I was just wondering if you were sick or just like flaking in me or something.”

A glance at Hyunjin’s alarm clock told him he was, indeed, several hours late for their studio time. “I, uhh… I’monmyperiod.” Whether or not the words were intended to be heard or not was questionable, but whatever it was, Changbin heard him, and his tone softened.

“Oh damn that sucks.”

There were a couple of seconds of silence as Hyunjin hummed in agreement.

“Do you need anything?”

That…. Was a question Hyunjin wasn’t prepared for.

“Uhhhhhhhhhhh, some heating packs would be nice.” Again, it was debatable whether Hyunjin had intended to be heard or not but again he was heard.

“You got it, bee arr bee,” Changbin responded nonchalantly, before hanging up.

Hyunjin stared at his phone screen, just, like, super confused. He picked up his toothbrush from where it had fallen in the sink and rinsed it offer. He looked at himself again in the mirror.   
Maybe he did have time for his facial treatment.

  
The knock at his door that came no less than a half an hour later was firm but tentative as though the knocker was afraid of being too loud. Though every muscle in his body protested, Hyunjin ran (it was more of a quick walk) to the door and smoothing himself over before opening it. Changbin was there, looking how he usually looked, short but stunning, and he was cradling a grocery store bag in his arms. The grin was already deep set in Changbin’s cheeks, and it alleviated nearly 100% of Hyunjin’s pain at the sight of it.

“Hey! So I got you those heat pack things and I was gonna get you chocolate but I got distracted by the cosmic brownies because how long has it been since you’ve had one of those and wow I brought you some Gatorade because I read it was important to stay hydrated!” After the end of that thought that explained all of the reasons why Changbin rapped, Hyunjin was smiling too. Gingerly, he took the bag from Changbin.   
“You know you didn’t have to do all this.”   
“What can I say, sometimes I gotta flex.”

That earned him a punch in the arm and a laugh that brightened the usually dreary dorm. There were a few beats of silence where neither knew quite what to say until Hyunjin spoke up.

“Do you want to come in or…”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

  
Hyunjin’s frame was draped over Changbin’s, his second heating pad pressed against his stomach as the laid on his bed. The bed was small, cramped for Hyunjin’s gangly limbs, and definitely not made for two but they made it work. The hum of some drama Hyunjin had put on with the intention of watching and the sound of students being actually productive outside were the only sounds besides the lazy whirr of the fan. The entire room felt lazy. The air was thick with dust from heaters the school had mercifully turned on and the blankets and pillows squished between the two of them surely didn’t help. Their hands were intertwined, as they seemingly often found themselves now.

Neither was sure how long they had been there. It could’ve been minutes or months as far as either of them knew. They only indication of the passage of time was the commercial breaks in the drama and the slow tick of the neon numbers of Hyunjin’s alarm clock. Hyunjin wasn’t entirely sure he could move at all at this point. Changbin had lost feeling in one of his legs.   
Their pulses beat slowly, and together, and when Changbin spoke, Hyunjin only squeezed their hands tighter together.

“Hyunjin?”

“Yeah?”

“Be my boyfriend?”

 

“Sure.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to anyone who stuck with this story dhsjbdjdhdjbdjd I hope this was worth the wait


	13. fucking finally

It was  with much reluctance that Hyunjin picked up his phone from the nightstand; only when it buzzed for the third time did he think to respond to whoever was texting him. The phone screen brightness cut through the amber light of  afternoon  pouring through the blinds . Felix’s icon, a n appropriately distorted photo of a dog, pulled a smile onto his lips as he sat up a little bit, disturbing Changbin’s resting place.  Hyunjin ignored the  whine of protest that earned him, sliding open his messages. 

_ ‘ hell o my bf!!!!’  _ Hyunjin laughed, pulling his phone away as  Changbin tries to look over the edge of his phone, waving him away.

_ ‘I have Good news’ _

‘ _the pictures from the shoot come back_ _!!!! and i think they are  St unning’ _

_ ‘can I come over?’ _

Now Hyunjin was sitting up all the way, nudging Changbin over  with his leg as he did so. Again Changbin leaned up to look at his phone and again Hyunjin pulled it away, holding it higher.

“Who are you texting ,  nerd ,” Changbin said, pouting as he settled into the mound of blankets they had cocooned themselves in. 

Sticking his tongue out, Hyunjin responded. “My boyfriend, if you have to know.” 

You could practically hear the eye roll in Changbin’s voice. “Oh yeah, your totally real, not fake boyfriend.” 

“That’s the one,” he said, typing out a quick response. 

‘s _ure!!!!!! Also!!!!!! i got another bf now so uhhhhhhhh_ ’

The response was immediate and energetic. 

‘ _woah my bf got game???? congralations u did it man!!’_ __

__

_ ‘i did it !!!!!!! hes also here rn so uhh’ _

‘ _OwO hes there rn???? i am omw Immediately_ ’

‘it _s chill shdkdnjsnslsjdj i can kick him out’_ __

__

_ ‘no i need to know whomst stole my bfs heart  😤 ’ _

__

_ ‘ok. but Watch Out.’ _

__

_ ‘what. hyunjin what does that mean im literally shakign rn’ _

Hyunjin didn’t reply, instead turning his phone off and dropping it onto the bed. “He’s on his way.” Changbin’s eyes widened and now he was sitting up, managing to look both afraid and mischievous. 

“What, for real? I’m gonna clown your boyfriend so hard when he leaves.” Again he earned himself a punch to the shoulder and a irked smile from Hyunjin. 

“Do not clown my boyfriend or else I will clown you, nerd boy.” 

Changbin gasped, as though personally offended and thr ew a shoulder punch right back at Hyunjin. The two of them fell into a mock fight, fake punches thrown until they were both out of breath and tangled in the blankets, laughing at their collective stupidity. It took a few minutes of Hyunjin attempting to get out of bed and Changbin pulling him back for Hyunjin to finally get to his feet.

Changbin whined, his arms dangling off the edge of the mattress. “Where are you gooooing? I was warm.” 

“I’m gonna deal with _this_ ,” Hyunjin said, gesturing to his entire person before pointing at Changbin. “And you should too. Especially when you look like,” he clicked his tongue. “ _that_.” 

Hyunjin  dodged  the pillow launched at his  head, laughing as he ducked into the bathroom. 

Ignoring  Hyunjin ,  Changbin scrolled through his own  notifs , stalling when he saw his boyfriend’s contact. He opened their messages and reread some of them with a soft smile. Felix was probably home from class by now, and had almost certainly already settled into a marathon of YouTube given his homework hadn’ t  been  too bad recently . Even one floor apart from each other,  Changbin was still swooning. He pulled up the keyboard and spelled out a message

_ “dude do u remember that cute dude that has been visiting me???? we are now BoyFriends.”  _

He settled for scrolling through Instagram while he waited for a response but the reply was swift and instantaneous. 

“! _!!! everyone_ _ i know got a bf today this is unfair” _

Changbin snickered, ruffling his hair  in some semblance of making himself look presentable.  Hyunjin’s boyfriend wasn’t high on his “need-to-impress" list. 

“ _fee u already have two how many do u need”_ __

__

_ “what can I say  im a charmer” _

__

_ “ur not the one in someone else’s bed rn 😎” _

__

_ “: O no cap??” _

__

_ “Hell Yeah”  _

__

_ “dude ur so cool” _

__

_ “ its a blessing ” _

__

_ “😳” _

__

_ “<333 are u home?” _

__

_ “nah I have to bring something to my Other Boyfriend apparently he has his bf over  rn and  im bout to square up if he  isnt up to par” _

__

_ “ur braver than any US marine good luck”  _

__

_ “thank u <3333 see u at home” _

__

_ “<3333” _

__

C hangbin’s screen went dark and he stared at himself in the reflection for a few beats before reluctantly swinging his legs out of the bed. To be honest, he hadn’t been paying attention to the room when he’d come in but now that he had been left all on his lonesome, he took a minute to scan his surroundings. The room was bare, at least more so than his and Felix’s, cardboard boxes still lining the floor around the desk shoved in the corner. A few pictures were stuck to the wall with thumb tacks, mostly of  Hyunjin and someone  Changbin didn’t recognize. The room looked... unfinished. Like it had been on its way to being a whole room, but progress had been halted by something. 

Leaning over,  Changbin paused the drama they had been watching; the lead had just been about to confront the love interest about their relationship in the rain. Typical drama stuff. He stretched and yawned, wincing at the pops and creaks of his bones that seemed a little too loud for his age. 

Just as  Changbin was considering getting up to raid the kitchen,  Hyunjin came out of the bathroom, hands anxiously shaking from where they were hidden, half covered by the sleeves of his large sweatshirt. 

“How do I look?” His voice was tentative and  Changbin could see he was really stressed about this. 

He gave his largest grin, the one that pushed up the corners of his eyes and made  Hyunjin smile in response. “As amazing as ever.” 

Hyunjin’s brows remained furrowed but his lips quirked up and  Changbin took the win. He fidgeted with the hem of his sweatshirt some more, fixing his already perfectly done hair in the mirror that hung over his dresser. 

He was so fixated on getting everything just right that he hardly noticed the arms that wound around his waist until he was pulled into a back hug,  Changbin’s head resting on his shoulder. 

“You look good.” His tone was laced with a sincerity  Hyunjin hadn’t heard in a long time, and his eyes only held the compassion he had for the other as he looked at him in the mirror. 

Hyunjin let out a laugh that wasn’t  quite , and turned to face  Changbin , leaving his arms wrapped around him. His hands cupped  Changbin’s face and he wasn’t quite sure what he was doing until their lips were touching and all the air left  Hyunjin all at once. Time ticked by at a snails’ pace, as if the universe had slowed just to give them a few more moments together.  Hyunjin didn’t know how long they had been kissing, but when he reluctantly pulled away, they only had a few moments until Felix showed up.  Hyunjin laughed again.

“You can hang out in the living room so you can see him when he comes in, but no funny business while we’re looking at the photos, alright?”

Changbin huffed, opening his mouth to protest that he’d ever do anything like that. 

“Just be natural, okay?” 

He clicked his tongue, winking. “Natural. Got it.”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes and would’ve made an attempt to make sure his boyfriend wasn’t going to do anything weird when there was a short knock from the door. Immediately, he was panicking again.    


“ Ohhhh my god-”

“You got this.”

“I got this.”

“’S just your boyfriend.”

“Just my boyfriend.”

“Your inferior boyfriend.” 

“Fuck off.”  Hyunjin hit him on the shoulder  even as  Changbin steered him towards the front door. 

“What if he decides to break up with me?”

Changbin scoffed. “He’d be a fucking moron then.” 

Hyunjin didn’t respond but seemed more resolute by the time they reached the doorway.  Changbin squeezed his hand reassuringly, making sure to give him one last nod of encouragement. The taller nodded back and squeezed his hand in response.  Changbin’s hand disappeared from his, presumably as the older left to pretend he was chilling in the living room.

Hyunjin faced the door, knowing the longer it took to answer the weirder it would be. He took a deep breath, and turned the knob, resisting the urge to fix his shirt just one last time.

It was Felix. I mean, of course it was. He wasn’t expecting anyone else at his door. But his hair-

“You’re blonde.” 

Felix’s laugh was full of light and Hyunjin realized then how much he’d missed that laugh. Felix ran his fingers through his hair, ruffling it in that subtle yet noticeable way. 

“Yeah, I thought I was due  for a change.”

Without really thinking about it,  Hyunjin took Felix’s hand; the one not holding the tan envelope, and interlaced their fingers. 

“It looks... great.” 

Apparently his sudden affection was startling, as Felix blushed, hiding a bashful laugh behind a hand.  Hyunjin almost forgot what they were supposed to be doing. But a pointed throat-clear from somewhere in the living room, reminded him of the thing currently cradled against Felix’s chest. 

“Oh! Right! The pictures. Come on in!” 

Hyunjin stepped aside and let Felix inside, shutting the door behind him with a soft click. He hadn’t let go of Felix’s hand yet, and to be honest, he wasn’t sure when he planned on letting go of it. The two headed into the dorm;  Hyunjin pointedly not looking at the living room where  Changbin was _surely_ making faces at him over the back of the couch. “We can head to my room if you want, or we could look at them in the-” 

Hyunjin felt Felix suddenly stop behind him and he turned around with a bad feeling, praying Changbin hadn’t done something. “Right, I mentioned that... ” Hyunjin’s voice died off in his throat. 

Felix’s face was scrawled with confusion while  Changbin’s face was one of realization and just, utter glee. Confused and worried,  Hyunjin helplessly gestured between the two. “Do you two... know each other?” Oh god, it would be so awkward if they were exes and  Hyunjin had unknowingly been dating both of them. 

Felix cleared his throat, laughing between his words. “I guess you could say that.” 

Changbin practically jumped over the couch, nearly toppling it in the process. “No fucking way!”

Felix’s laughter was getting squeakier by the second. “This is- this is- I can’t believe- “

Changbin was beaming now too. “Me either! Dude, I was about to square up on you!”

The pair were practically  incomprehensible now, Felix doubled over and  Changbin’s head thrown back towards the ceiling.

Hyunjin released Felix’s hand, eyes darting between the two of them. Instinctively, he took a step back, internally trying to process what was happening in front of him. Was this just some sort of prank? A sick way to see how fast they could make some oblivious kid fall in love?

Swallowing,  Hyunjin repeated his question, pressing through the hopefully unfounded fears to speak loud enough to be heard. “Do you two know each other?” 

“Oh yeah!” Felix said, swinging a familiar arm around  Changbin’s shoulder and pulling the shorter close. “This is my boyfriend,  Changbin !” 

 

 

 

Hyunjin blinked once. His eyes darted between the two of them, the couple exchanging looks and laughing under their breath to themselves every time their eyes met.

He blinked a second time, brows furrowing under the dark hair that hung in front of his eyes

“Are you...  for real?”

The previously restrained giggles came out in full force,  Changbin throwing his arms arounds  Hyunjin and squeezing him tight as he laughed, Felix reaching up to brush the hair from  Hyunjin’s eyes. 

“You know what they say. The boyfriend of my boyfriend is my boyfriend.” 

That was the tipping point,  Hyunjin laughed, quiet and breathless but only getting louder, wheezier, practically collapsing on top of Changbin.

Even as the laughs eventually died down, the smiles were  ever-present , and  Hyunjin just wanted to kiss  Changbin so bad. 

So he did.

He pressed a breathless kiss to Changbin’s lips, smiling into it. Hyunjin rested his forehead against Changbin’s, savoring the butterflies flapping against his stomach. He didn’t miss the way Felix managed to drape himself over the both of them, pressing a kiss to each of their cheeks in turn. The small dorm was quiet for a few beats but it was full of a thick energy that had all of their cheeks flushed. 

“We are so dumb.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this fic only has one or two chapters left so look forward to it!!! lets hope I get it done sooner


	14. finale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the long awaited conclusion

The dorm isn’t usually this noisy this  time of day . Changbin is rushing around, muttering some new rap track under his breath as he hurriedly cleans the apartment. He threw a handful of dirty clothes under the bed, or rather the two small twin beds pushed together. There was still the deep scratch in the doorframe from their efforts in pulling  Hyunjin’s  bed upstairs. He sorted their laundry among their designated drawers although many of  Changbin’s  shirts had mysteriously ended up in  Hyunjin’s  pile. The fairy lights had been strung, the twinkling light casting a gentle glow over the dimly lit room. The bed and all of its furnishings, blankets ( Hyunjin’s  request; he got cold worryingly easily), pillows (Felix; he enjoyed submerging himself in the soft depths.), and stuffed animals from  Changbin’s  ever growing collection. Recently he had impulse-bought a large  snorlax  that wouldn’t even fit on the bed. Its looming presence had been sequestered to the studio, where it stared at  Changbin  while he worked.

Changbin stood back, hands on his hips, looking over his work. He was out of breath, and he was tired, and he should’ve done it sooner but in his defense that would have ruined the surprise. But, even though the back of his muscle tee was clinging to his back with sweat, he didn’t hesitate to scour the room for flaws. This was the one day where nothing could go wrong. After adjusting the sheets for the umpteenth time, he wiped his brow, satisfied. 

His phone told him he had three hours until showtime. Perfect. Taking his opportunity now, before he found any more flaws, Changbin decided to hop in the shower while he still had the time. 

“ Woojin , I’m not gonna burn the cake- Seungmin if you tell me to add the onions _one_ more time, I’m gonna  _snap_ , I swear to god.” The kitchen was a mess, various bowls and utensils haphazardly piled on the already cramped counter tops. But, cooking on the stove was a large batch of fried rice and noodles; the smell of the seasoning making his stomach grumble even as Felix stirred in the onions. In the oven, a cake was baking, chocolate mixing into the smell of the food. 

“Yeah, well you forgot them the last two times, and today-”

“Today is very important, I know.” Felix responded, wiping his brow and turning the fan on. Over the last few months Felix had greatly improved his cooking skills, but it wasn’t often he strayed from his top ramen. “ Woojin , is he still there?”

Balanced precariously next to the stove was Felix’s phone, a  facetime  call open, split between Seungmin and  Woojin’s  camera, the first looking extremely suspicious while the latter was off screen, studying at his desk for an upcoming exam. 

“Yep. Although, he seemed pretty out of it when you dumped him in my living room.”

“That’s what too much  kdrama  does. Tragic. Can we get an F in the chat?” Felix waved a spoon in the general direction of  Woojin , even as he heard Seungmin give a half-hearted “F”. “You’re the only one here with an extra room to spare, it’s only fair I dumped him at yours.”  Woojin  laughed but didn’t protest. Felix checked the clock; it was nearly eight. Perfect. 

“Look guys, I’m gonna finish up here then do the present thing. You guys still on for tonight?” 

“Of course,” Seungmin scoffed.

“I’ll be there! Oh, and Hyunjin too!” 

“I sure hope so.” Waving at the camera, ignoring the way Seungmin had already disappeared, Felix ended the call, sighing. Just a few more things left to do. Get the food on plates and run to the store to get more beer because they had run low, convince Changbin to ice the cake, and take a shower. 

All in an hour. 

He got this.

Despite cutting it a little too close for comfort, Felix and Changbin managed to get their shit together just in time. And if Seungmin said that he helped and that he was the only reason they were even awake on time; he was lying and he knew it. Changbin put on his best clothes, which, at least to him, meant pulling the dark sweater Hyunjin liked on over the dark jeans that were probably clean. 

Felix on the other hand, had gone the full mile. His best pinstriped button up and slacks, along with the pocket chain that made him look like he’d just stepped out of  tiktok . Already, he was preparing himself from the inevitable teasing from  Jisung . 

Speaking of, their guests had just begun to arrive.  Jeongin  arrived first, claiming that now that his braces were off he should have first pick of the food. The couple rolled their eyes, but let him sit alone at the kitchen table, holding the entire bowl of rice to his chest, even as they waited for the rest to arrive. 

“You frosted the cake right?” 

“Of course. You wrapped the presents right?”

“Hell yeah. Look at us, being responsible adults.” They shared a loving fist-bump, though neither could deny that they weren’t completely devoid of worry. This day was important- had to be important, and nothing could go wrong now. 

The next knock at the door was seemingly numerous and they both knew full well who was behind the door. The  Chan-Jisung-Minho  trio was standing there, hands interlocked despite their clearly conflicting outfits. Chan was dressed to the tune of a biker gang leader, wearing more chains than even Felix thought was necessary. Looking at  Jisung  at a glance, you’d never guess that he was going to a party. He was dressed casually, a baggy, dark, plain-looking t-shirt hung over his frame with a pair of skinny jeans as well as a fanny pack strung across his chest. But anyone who knew  Jisung  knew that  Jisung  never prepared for a party; the party prepared for him. Thankfully, the gracious hosts had prepared, hence the emergency beer trip. Minho was dressed as well as ever, the usually dark outfit offset by a bright bomber jacket hanging loosely on one shoulder. 

The trio made an eclectic group, there was no arguing that. But as  Jisung  pushed his way into the apartment, already yelling something about  Jeongin  eating all of the food, Chan and Minho exchanged fond looks and there was no doubting that they belonged together. They hadn’t ‘officially’ announced that they were dating but Changbin and Felix were dumb, not blind, and they both saw the way they had changed since they had started dating. Minho and  Jisung  stopped getting into as many petty arguments with Chan as a level-headed mediator, and Changbin swore he could see the deep dark circles under Chan’s eyes begin to lighten. 

Seungmin arrived next and he’d already managed to look annoyed by the circumstances. But, as they had learned over the course of the last few months, Seungmin was never as annoyed as he looked, and they had begun to see the subtler signs of his happiness. 

Now there was no doubt; the next person to walk through that door would be Hyunjin. And I mean,  Woojin  was going to be there too but was it  Woojin’s  birthday?

The party had already begun to swing into effect when the last knock came. The newly-weds had taken the loveseat for themselves,  Jisung’s  lanky legs draped over the arm with his head in Chan’s lap. They were busy laughing at a joke only the three of them would understand. Seungmin was sitting beside  Jeongin  on the floor, seemingly angrily nursing a beer, but the dimples that prodded at his cheeks belied his exterior. The hosting couple had been too excited to wait sitting down and had busied themselves; Changbin hanging even more streamers, and Felix keeping  Jeongin  from eating all of the food until  Hyunjin had some. The entire dorm was full of chatter and laughter as well as an unspoken excitement for that-

_ Knock _ .

-Knock at the door. 

Nearly tripping over each-others legs, Felix and Changbin ran to the door and threw it open, barely managing a quick and loud “Happy Birthday!” before crushing Hyunjin in a hug. By their reaction, one might assume that Hyunjin had just come home from war. But no, Hyunjin had just been one floor up, watching YouTube until  Woojin  had announced that he could come back to his apartment.  Woojin  slipped inside and left the trio in the doorway alone to wish their birthday wishes. Hyunjin laughed, even as Felix peppered his face with kisses, Changbin still holding him tight against his chest. He sniffed, and the rumble of his stomach was embarrassingly loud. 

“Did you make rice?” 

Felix nodded, his smile pulled into a smug grin. “It seems to be a hit. Although last I heard,  Jeongin  was eating it all.” 

“He better fucking not-” Hyunjin practically stormed into the apartment, his “Yah!  Jeongin !” bleeding out into the hallway. The eye-rolls  Changbin and Felix gave were solely affectionate, and with a click, the door shut behind them, and the party could commence. 

Ok, maybe, “commence” was a strong word. They group was loud, no doubt about that, especially with  Jisung  and Changbin in the same room. But with the good food and cold beer, the atmosphere was chill, and so far, it seemed as though the usual party antics would be absent tonight. That is, until  Woojin  pulled out his world famous party trick of screaming like a goat and soon the room erupted  in obnoxious noise, a blend of laughter and the shrill shrieks of the rest of them attempting to replicate the noise. 

After  Jeongin  called out Minho’s bullshit of being able to perfectly replicate a rabbit noise (he couldn’t), they went around the circle, each of them giving some drunken, half-assed facsimile of what an animal was. 

“Changbin, do a wolf!” Changbin nodded, never one to back down from a challenge, and cleared his throat. Everyone leaned in, closer, until. 

Changbin just yelled. 

Everyone was in hysterics and Changbin was tapping his throat as though he had been betrayed by his own vocal cords.  Huffing, he folded his arms over his chest, looking more than a little bit peeved. “Yeah, well, I’d like to see you guys do better!” 

“Easy.” Chan said, from where he’d been relatively quiet from his spot against Minho’s shoulder. The group whistled, riling up the pair. Chan leaned forward, pressing his beer into Minho’s hands and clearing his throat. There was a beat of silence before-

With stunning, impeccable clarity, Chan howled, in almost perfect replication of a wolf. 

Everyone was silent; no one was expecting something good, much less something  astoundingly  perfect. The room erupted  into cheers and applause, Changbin sitting stunned. “How the _Fuck_ did you make that noise with your mouth.” Chan just shrugged, smiling smugly to himself as he took a sip from his beer.

Changbin glared at him from where was exchanging looks with his almost-boyfriends that were a little bit too suspicious for Changbin’s liking, but he didn’t press it. Instead he chose  to lean on Hyunjin’s shoulder, grateful that the  taller was the perfect leaning height. Hyunjin smiled fondly down at him, ruffling his hair lightly. He couldn’t have asked for a better spent birthday. 

The idle teasing went on a few minutes longer , all of them comfortable with each other enough to take a few jokes, until Felix stood, clasping his hands together. “This has been fun and all but I think it’s cake time !”  The group gave a rousing cheer and Felix disappeared into the kitchen. 

A few moments later, Felix emerged again, carefully balancing a cake on one arm as he flipped the lights off. The glow of the candles cast moving shadows over the walls of the living room. Quietly at first,  Woojin  taking the lead, everyone began to sing, some better than others, Changbin and Felix the loudest and proudest of all. Gently, he set the cake down in front of Hyunjin on the coffee table, making sure it was well away from the edge, lest Changbin cause another cake fiasco. 

In messily, but lovingly, scrawled icing, the cake read _“Happy Birthday Hyunjin!!!!!!!”_  Hyunjin cooed to himself, holding his hands over his chest. As the song concluded and the cheers to blow it out commenced , he leaned forward, eyes shut for a moment of careful  considering  before, with a puff of air, he put out the candles. Changbin pulled him close, Felix leaned over to kiss his nose and Hyunjin had never felt more loved. After a moment of basking in their warmth he waved them away, and lifted the knife. “Let’s have cake!”

Soon enough, everyone had a plate of cake and a cold beer in hand, the atmosphere lively and jubilant . Hyunjin cuddled up to his boyfriends,  Jeongin  and  Jisung  had busied themselves in a competitive game of Mario Kart and the rest of them had organized themselves into a ramshackle game of karaoke which had quickly devolved, into “Who can sing the loudest” and surprisingly, Seungmin prevailed, coming from behind with a heart wrenching rendition of an indie rock band Felix felt like he recognized from somewhere. Immediately after everyone forked over some pocket change to him, he receded into his perpetually-miffed attitude, though no one would hesitate to admit that his smug grin would make anyone smile upon seeing it. 

Eventually, long into the night, people began to trickle out of the apartment.  Woojin  was the first to leave, claiming he had to get some sleep before his exams the following day.  Jeongin  left next, claiming that they were lame because they wouldn’t let him eat the rest of the rice, Seungmin leaving soon after with a few heartfelt words to Hyunjin before he disappeared. Chan, Minho, and  Jisung  hung around a little longer, but making out on his couch was where Changbin drew the line, and they were promptly kicked out,  Jisung  managing to sneak another slice of cake on his way out. 

Finally alone in their own apartment, the trio heaved a sigh of relief. Their friends were great, don’t get the wrong idea, but entertaining was not an easy feat. Hyunjin stood on his tiptoes and attempted to pull down some of the streamers from the ceiling before he was unceremoniously scooped up by Changbin, a startled squeak leaving him. 

“ Chillax  man, cleaning can wait for tomorrow,” Felix said, pecking his forehead now that he was at a manageable height. 

Hyunjin huffed but relaxed into Changbin’s arms. “As long as you never say ‘ chillax ’ again.” 

“Deal.” Felix beamed. 

Changbin carried him to their bedroom, kicking the door to their room open with his foot . Hyunjin gasped and pushed himself from Changbin’s arms, nearly stumbling as he took in the room. 

“You guys….”

Everything was put away and organized, the fairy lights he’d wanted strung up around the perimeter of the room. As he looked up, his eyes were drawn to the ceiling, where he gasped. They had arranged those glow in the dark stars on the ceiling, hundreds of the glowing faintly from above. He turned around and embraced both of them, he thought they’d forgotten he’d wanted them. Felix laughed, gently pushing Hyunjin away. 

“This isn’t even really your present, man, don’t thank us yet.” 

Hyunjin pulled away, eyes wide. “You guys didn’t need to-“

“We didn’t-“ Changbin interrupted from where he’d fished two neatly wrapped presents from the closet. “- But we wanted to.” 

Hyunjin and Felix took a seat on their bed,  Hyunjin  gingerly taking the present Changbin  extended to him first.  It was light and something to shuffle inside it when he shook it. 

“That’s cheating,” Changbin said,  taking a seat on the other side of him. 

Pouting a little, Hyunjin tore  into  t he wrapping, finding an unmarked white box inside . Eagerly,  he opened the box and gasped at its contents. 

It was f ull of photographs, each one of all of them. Hyunjin recognized each of the locations: the time they met a dog at a park, the time at the water park, the time when they’d gone on a road trip together. Each of them we perfectly framed and candid, many of them Hyunjin beaming more than he think he had in his entire life. 

“Do you like it?” Felix’s voice from beside him reminded him that he’d yet to thank them. He turned to Felix first, embracing him  in  a bone crushing hug. 

“I love it.”  Hyunjin  said, wiping at his eyes as he turned to give  Changbin  an equally crushing embrace.  Changbin  ruffled his hair amiably, holding him close . 

“You can’t cry  yet,  you didn’t even open my present yet.” 

Hyunjin  huffed, but laughed, taking the smaller present from  Changbin’s  hands. Carefully, he tore off the wrapping, exposing the small, plain white box. He opened the lid and inside were two slips of paper. Confused, he pulled out the first, smaller piece of paper. In Felix’s small, round writing, were the words. _“we figured u might_ _ wanna _ _get this off your chest.”_  

Even more confused,  Hyunjin  took out the other piece of paper. What he saw stole all the air from his chest. 

_ “Hwang  Hyunjin , we are confirming your appointment for your  subcutaneous mastectomy surgery on  next Thursday . Please get back to us soon.”  _

The tears that fell from his eyes were thick and ran down his cheeks as he felt Felix pull him into a hug. As much as he hated doing it, his sobs were ugly and heaving, and Felix’s shirt was likely going to be a snot covered mess by the end of the night. He felt  Changbin  wrap his arms around him from the other side, leaning against his back. Once his tears were somewhat manageable, he pulled away and cupped Felix’s face, pulling him into a kiss. He laughed shakily once he pulled away. “Guys, this is more than I could ever ask for.”  Changbin  hummed, apparently pleased with himself, pulling  Hyunjin  into another kiss. “Who would we be if we didn’t do the absolute most?” Felix chimed in, his deep voice rumbling against him. “We just want to make sure your happy and  —”

“  — and buying me top surgery was the next logical conclusion?” 

“Of course,”  Changbin  responded. “We knew how much this meant to you and I mean what good are bands if I don’t use them to make my boyfriend’s dysphoria go away.” 

Hyunjin  laughed, feeling lighter than he’d ever felt before. “I love you guys. So much.” 

Felix leaned backwards and pulled  Hyunjin  down onto the bed beside him.  Hyunjin  pulling  Changbin  down with him.  Felix’s hand threaded through  Hyunjin’s  hair. 

   
“We love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for sticking with me through this roller coaster of the story!!!!! i know that i havent been the most consistent but this is the first story ive ever finished and im!!! proud!! if u guys want to ask anything or just leave a comment, ill be responding to all the comments i get on this chapter!!!!
> 
> now we finally get to work on minchansung sdskdfjsdfksskf

**Author's Note:**

> comments r the only things that keep me going.  
> 


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